alone and on downers

the past few days have been very surreal to me. I think it's all the benedryl I've been taking.

I'll be home all week this week, trying to get rid of this stuff on my feet. I missed church. I probably should've just gone. I really wish I could've gone hiking yesterday. And it's gonna be weird not going to work all week. I can feel cabin fever setting in already. This could be bad. I'd say that this cabin fever is being caused by much pent up energy. And this very well could be the case. But I'm also soooooo lethargic right now, that I can't really imagine doing much other that sitting and staring at other people that might be in the room. Of course, once I got around other people, I'd probably get more energy and have an easier time interacting with others. I don't know.

I'm really gonna try and make it to small group tomorrow. Something inside tells me I really need to go. Something inside also tells me that I really need to read my bible. Which I'll do as soon as I put this thing up.

My foot isn't oozing as much as it was the other day. I'm taking this as a good sign. And it doesn't really look like death or the plague anymore. It just looks like a severe burn. I am also taking this as a good sign. And if things go all according to schedule, then this thing should be cleared out by friday or saturday. Let's hope they do.

And now I'm off. I'll talk at you all later.

my foot

it's hideous. it looks like death mixed with orange aid. And it very much reminds me of what I used to get on my face. I haven't gotten the deal on my face in a couple years now, but my foot looks exactly like what my face used to look like. So my guess is that my allergic reaction to oleanders has moved yet again. isn't that exciting? I figured I'd be able to write more, but as I'm sitting here, I can feel it flaring up again. It's time for more benedryl. YAY! And then I'll probably go to sleep. So, good night my friends. Sleep well.

I'm Hungry

I figured out why I haven't become the superhero I wish to be. I'm still hiding myself behind the boxes to block myself from the pain. I haven't fully trusted in Jesus' ability to take those from me and be my shield. Trust is such a small word for such a big concept. It's so hard to build and so easy to break. I need to offer up my cynicism to God so that He can get rid of it for me. That's really hard to do. But God's got my back, so I know I'll get through this. Just like everything else. It's just one more hurdle in the race. Praise be to the Wonderful Councilor.

Work

So, I worked really really really hard for a couple days. I did two doubles in a row.

For those of you that don't know, a double is when you go to work for a day shift and then stay to do a night shift on the same day. So, on all four of those shifts I busted my hump like there was no tomorrow. It paid off nicely though. $122 on the first day and $130 on the second day.....in tips.

So, yeah. I was pretty pumped about that. God is awesome. He gave me the energy and the stamina to pull that off. Proof that I'll be taken care of, right there. So I thought I'd just share the good news with everyone. Prayers are being answered and then some. Thank you all. And Thank you God.

OH! And another up note, my truck always starts. It may not always start on the first turn of the key, but it always starts. YAY! Yet MORE proof that God is awesome and He's taking care of me. So, spread the word that God is good and share what He's done in your life lately.

so, what to do.....

My tired brain has a whirling dervish of thoughts right now. I sort of regret going to the movies because I lost all that time that I could've used to deal with these things in my head and I could be in bed already. But I don't really regret it because it was a good thing to hang out with Daniel. We were able to talk after the movie about various things. And that was good.

Then on my way home, I started thinking about the sermon tonight. And I came to the conclusion that the main point was to let people in and love them. That is what we are called to do as a church. It doesn't matter who they are or what they've done. And it doesn't even matter if they NEVER choose to accept Christ. We are called to love them. Now, we should pray for them that they would accept Christ and even talk with them about it if we're led, but we need to love them no matter what. It also helped me out. I know how to answer some questions now. YAY!

I'm going hiking tomorrow. I'm rather excited. I enjoy hiking. I'll need to find a hiking stick though. I have something that might work, but I'm really not sure if I should actually try to use it. Because, if it doesn't work, It's gonna be a terrible experience. I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. I kind of wish I could take pictures and show you guys what I'm talking about. Oh well. I guess you'll have to use your imaginations. I will tell you that it's a piece of a broken lamp. Not that that would help you visualize it. Oh well. I'm just getting stuff off my brain right now anyway.

I have to go back to the court house tomorrow as well so that I can finish off this ticket business. Plus I need to call some people at my culinary school and see what they want. I have an idea, but I'm not 100% sure. I also need to finish up a personal project by thursday night. If I don't set a deadline for myself, it'll never get done.

Then there's the standard issues. YAY! You could probably guess what those are if you've been reading this for the past month or so. but for those of you that might be new, a brief recap:
girls & money.

And with that, I bid you all farewell. I need sleep and I need it badly.

Best Day Ever?

So, something amazing happened to me today. I was totally on my game and pulled off some awesomeness at work today. And I was able to do this with four on the floor.
I busted my butt today and came out of work feeling very tired yet fulfilled. Then I got tipped out. The grand total: $85 ! I'm, like, set for the entire week just about with that much money. God is awesome. If it wasn't for His help, this wouldn't be possible. And, God willing, I'll be getting more tips over the next few days. And that'll REALLY set me up. So, I just had to share my GREAT news with everyone. Have fun y'all.

health

So a couple weeks ago, we talked about healthy eating and fitness. And this week we talked about stress and letting go of things. If we add to that studying up on our scripture, then we have a picture of total "fit and ready"-ness.

Last night at church, it was made clear to me that I need to let go of my stresses here on earth and pick up a harness of God's power. That might sound odd to some of you. And when that was revealed to me, I was like, "WHAT?! HOW?!" Then the next piece came. Pray for people. Then I was like, "OOOOOHHHHHH!" So I need to pray for people and not worry about my own issues, pretty much. I mean, I'll have to take care of immediate threats, of course, but things I can't really do anything about, those things I need to let go. As well as a lot of desires that I have. I have to learn to deny myself even more. So we'll see how that turns out. And of course, as I'm typing this, all these things that are coming up fast are really making me worry a bit. They'll get taken care of, but still.........they're pretty serious issues. Anyway, I gotta go sleep.

it's dark in here

So, I'm sitting in the gym and the lights are off. It creates a very contemplative mood for me.

I had lunch with some guys from church and we had some nice discussion about girls and whatnot. I dunno. I don't really have much to say right now, I just feel relaxed and contemplative.

I wanted to take a nap, but by the time I got to a place where I could, I didn't really have the time. Oh well. Such is life.

So two thoughts simultaneously struck my brain. One, Why are there so many attractive girls? Two, is God's love enough for me? "Do you like sushi?" AHAHAHAHAHA

I really need to start trusting in God and giving him my burdens. I've been sort of working on that lately. But I've still a long way to go in that department. Some times I wish it could just be done. Then there's other times where the adventure of life and all it's troubles are fun. I dunno.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Life certainly is funny.

I should be asleep

But I had a thought and an urge to share it.

I was listening to a song on the radio and there was a line about covering up something with makeup. That line reminded me of a person I met my sophomore year of high school. I don't remember her name, but I do remember that she was an exchange student. From Malaysia, I believe. I remembered that she always had her entire face covered with makeup. I asked her once why she always had all that makeup on, and she told me that in her country it was normal and expected of her. She was really short too. The top of her head was just below my armpit level. And she came to school once in a traditional dress that looked really awesome.

She was a fun person. Always upbeat. Always ready to laugh and joke. I miss her. I'm sure she gave me contact information before she left, and I'm equally sure that I lost it soon after.


And there's my random thought for the day. I'm off to bed now.

confusion and clarity all at once....

In all the stories about near death experiences I've heard, there has been one common factor. The moment where the person's entire existence is summed up in the phrase "this is it". Sometimes I think of this and become a bit jealous. I mean, for those people at those times, there wasn't anything complex about life. There weren't any bills, there wasn't any drama. There's no worries, except possibly the worry about whether it'll be painful or not. I wish my life were that simple. If there was only one thing for me to worry about like that, then I think I'd be much more content. But putting that random thought aside....

I was at Anime Expo this past weekend. There wasn't a lot that really happened in my life while I was there, but it felt like a lot. that seems to always be the case for me. Oh well. It started out really crappy. Then, after a day of working, I realized I hadn't eaten for about 14 hours. I dropped what I was doing and went to get some food. On the way to get some food, I walked through artists' alley. I was so grateful that I did that. I rediscovered at that time why I signed up for this. It was at that time, that I felt what I hadn't felt since I got there. The air changed. The atmosphere was there. The commonality of EVERYONE THERE was made completely apparent to me. They all had different opinions on just about every issue you could possibly think of, but they all had an intense interest in anime. Thus they all banded together to celebrate the joys that it brought to their lives. Sure they laughed at each other and threw insults here and there, but what group doesn't do that?

And this weekend also helped me get over something. I thought I was over it, but now I know for sure. Thank God for DDR. And I really mean that. I didn't really get to hang out with my friends and much as I wanted to, but I got to make some new friends so that was a good thing. perhaps next year I'll get to see them more. It's almost comical how much Staff Services, collectively, used the phrase "fuck it". There had to have been a time where in a span of 1 minute, I used that phase at least six times. And each time was for a completely different reason. And the first time I used it made my weekend soooo much better. It really did. I was able to relax and enjoy myself after that. Thank God Jack was there. I've really got to retain that lesson. It will make life so much more enjoyable. And it's biblical. Don't worry about things out of your control. Paul says that somewhere. Do what you can do, then give the rest of it up to God. So, just a lesson I learned from someone that doesn't go to church often, if at all.

So I was able to have fun at AX this year despite:
crappy location
BIG last minute changes
HORRIBLE traffic
awkward situations

I must have drank at least five Rockstars over the weekend. That's saying a lot considering I don't drink energy drinks. I know I lost some weight over the weekend too.

Now I'm back in my life here and have to think about bills and all that stuff. I have no idea how i'm going to afford everything I need to pay for. But I will. I can trust in God. And in this moment, Yoda's words come to mind: "No. Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." Why does this come to mind? Because, if you think about it, you either trust God, or you don't. There's really nothing in between. So I'm trusting God. It's really all I CAN do at the moment. YAY! Simplicity. I like it! :D