I'm not gonna count

It's been too long and I'm feeling the need to really start blogging again. Not sure if it because of my recent pitfall into depression or not. It probably is.

But this will not be like my blogs of the past where I simply whine and mull over my own thoughts. I am going to try and make this into something productive. I'm not sure how, though. I've seen lots of people do lots of different things, but none of them really fit me. Perhaps I will use this simply to psych myself up to get back into doing my comic. That story needs to be told, even if it's been told a thousand times before.

So I'm thinking that I'll leave this idea here in the open and see if anyone responds to it. And I'm thinking I'll go draw.

Sundays

so life is crazy lately. I have my A+ tests coming up the next couple of days. I was studying last night and I slept through my alarm, thus making me late for pipeline. So I need to not let that happen again.

The nice thing, though, is that the series we're doing makes jumping in while it's happening really easy. There's just a video and some songs, both really easy to do as long as you know which video clip you need to run. This week's video was about faith. I missed most of it, but I caught the part where Dan Gerous jumped over a whale on his tricycle. I was pretty distracted by a dream I had right before I woke up. But it finished well. I wasn't too distracted to keep the show going. So the video is cued up for next service and there's one song left to launch. Good show so far.

The ends of six. This is the thought from my dream. The context from the dream is a bit weird but I feel like the concept is important. In the dream there were a bunch of people at a party and they each submitted a naked picture. On the back, people were supposed to write six things on one end of a spectrum and six things on the opposite end of that same spectrum. The dream didn't really specify what spectrum to use. Because they were naked pictures, I kind of assume that they were comments about how they looked, but that's not really important. So the Ends of Six. Six really awesome things and six things that we should work on or that we can improve. I dunno. It seems like something that I should remember.

You ever get lonely for

You ever get lonely for no good reason? Its been happening to me a lot lately. I wish i had a bible here.

WOW

So I am now living on my own away from the parental units for the very first time in my life. No one over my shoulder telling me what to do all the fricking time. It's rather nice. Of course it was all those years that drilled into me what I SHOULD do, so I pretty much stick to that.

So yeah, I have a utility in my name. It makes me feel rather weird when I sit and think about it. It's like I HAVE to grow up now. I don't have a choice anymore. And I really like that feeling. I don't really feel like I'm ready for it, but I know that I can do it if I just buckle down and do what I gotta do. So yeah.

I'll also just signed up for a relational development group. It's designed to help people really grow and deal with their issues. And that's something that I need to do really badly. I'm willing to bet tears will be shed in the process. One can hope anyway.

So yeah that's about it in life right now. No major thoughts on anything really. I'll check y'all later.

Have fun.

So I'll be switching schools.

So I'll be switching schools. UOP Has been good for getting me started on school again but its time to start real school again.

I don't know how i'd

I don't know how i'd handle my existential crisis without my relationship with god secured by my savior.

the quiet hum of fans

So it's 4:30 am and I'm tired. I'm awake because I got home from work and got really uptight because I needed to complete a research paper and turn it in. I didn't need to turn it in for the grade. I needed to turn it in to keep myself from being dropped from the class.

I didn't get the paper done in time, so I didn't turn anything in, thus leading to my "auto-drop" from the course. So I don't know what's gonna happen with me on that front. And it's this uncertainty that is keeping me awake. I tried some reading: no luck with mental relaxation. Games: never really relax my mind. Talking with people: helps quite a bit. But no one's on at this time of night. So here I am posting a blog.

And I'm starting to get heavy eyes now as I keep yammering on about this particular subject. Which I guess is good, because it means that I should be able to go to sleep now if I try.

I've been spending a lot of my time looking for a place to live. I found one about a week ago and I'm slotted to move in on the 1st. It'll be a roomate situation and I'm wondering how it's gonna work out. We haven't entirely come up with a way to divide the rent. With one person sleeping in the living room, it'll be an uneven division of rent because of privacy issues.

cue tired rambling. YAY! blogging is doing what it's supposed to be doing. Of course this is why I don't attract nor keep readers. Because I usually talk about the same thing over and over or it's just random babble about being tired/stressed.

the feeling of defeat consumes me right now. And so I resign to my bed for sleep. maybe it'll put things in perspective?