Thursday, October 25, 2007

All the mistakes one life can take

Sitting and thinking. I've been avoiding it lately, in case no one has noticed. This is not a good thing for me. If I don't take time to sit and just think and let my mind wander a bit, then I start to not feel good. It's the same thing that happens to active people if they don't do anything active for a few weeks. Only it's all in my head. So, yeah...

So, I've decided to put a mind dump out there. YAY! I know you all look forward to these.

So, why is it that when I really don't want it to happen, a bunch of girls invade my life and make it all confusing for me? Off the top of my head, I can think of five girls that are in my life that make it a whirlwind of crazy for me. A few of them, I know that it's just pure physical attraction. But knowing this doesn't seem to help me much. Possibly because I've been really horny lately. And this leads to daily morningwood which makes it harder. Maybe getting up and doing sit ups every day would help. I should try it.

And then, behind all this, constantly pulling my brain strings, is HER. I haven't seen her in almost three months. I still wonder what her real reasons were. I still regret doing what I did. I still wish she was around. But all of these things are like staticky radio. Sometimes it's loud and clear; other times it's so fuzzy that you can't even make it out. And I want it to stay loud and clear all the time. And I can't help but wonder if this is God testing my fickle nature to make sure that I'm not fickle when it comes to the woman that He decides to give me. And that leads to, "Is she the one, or is she just a tester?" It's not very fun. But, I have to give it up to Him daily and trust that His plan for everything is best. Of course, that doesn't make it any easier. If anything, it makes it harder.