Inner Universe

I spend a lot of time in my head. This is not new news. And this, coupled with my natural tendencies to clam up and isolate myself can really bring me to horrible places. But I'm working on this. I've been being a lot more open lately and I'm hoping the trend continues.

That being said, I also know that I DO need my times with out anyone else around. I need times of silence in dark rooms. I NEED times like this. But I can't allow myself to slip into a lifestyle of lonely, dark rooms. It's a fine line of balance that needs to be met, but with God on my side, I know that the balance will be achieved. And with those two points stated, I dive into my current obsessive thoughts.....

Why is it that they always fall off the map? They literally disappear. I make one mistake (albeit a pretty big one) and they're gone. I'm human and I screw up. Why is it that people have trouble when I make a mistake but I can usually move on rather quickly? Of course, I assume they're having issues with moving on but I don't really know. They're GONE. Anyway....If I continue with this topic I'll just start going in circles.

I've been sensing attacks lately. They're very subtle and I probably wouldn't even give them a second glance if I didn't know that Satan worked this way. The paragraph above this one is a good example. I do something wrong and I know that I shouldn't have done it. Then all these issues come up about ruining my future because of these mistakes. I often audibly correct myself because the pressure of these thoughts gets so big. Something to help is to choose to give things up to God as each issue presents itself. It's a good practice to have and I intend on taking it up from here on out.

I'm getting along with the people at work. and I've been invited to hang out with them. I'm really thinking that I should. I'm going to try. The question I have is whether or not to drink if the issue comes up. Because there's the bit about not being "holier than thou" but also I need to present a Godly image. I most definitely can't get totally "effed up". Perhaps if I set my limit to one drink each time we hang out. I don't know. It's something that I really need to pray about and seek God for.

The power of "with". It's amazing. When we work together, we are definitely more than the sum of our parts. We need to get on it people. And I do stress WE.

Thank you SCU. I wasn't there, but I'm fairly certain that you guys did that last night. So thank you. I hope and pray that we can start a trend.

You ever feel a bit like Paul? I do sometimes. Oh well. Toodles y'all.

[insert witty title here]

So, blogs, being what they are, give birth to many sorts of thoughts and ideas. And these thoughts and ideas are all presented in slightly different ways depending on a person's background and their current circumstances.

Some people just use their blogs as journals about their lives and what's going on. Other people use their blogs as a platform for putting their thoughts out there for the world to see. Some are used for advertising products and some are used for people to share their creative-ness. On the surface, mine probably appears to be one of those "here's my life" blogs, when it is, in fact, an outlet that lets me unpack my brain and then repack it in a better order. It helps me organize my thoughts on things.

Over the years I've developed a style that allows me to get into serious issues I have with people and work through it without letting anyone know who I'm talking about. I think that this is a good thing and will continue this trend. But lately, I haven't really been writing about everything that's on my mind, and I'm not even sure why this is. Part of it could be because I always get home late from work and I'm uber tired. But, then, that's not really the reason. the real reason would be because I've found things to distract my brain with. Some people might say that this is okay and there's nothing wrong with it. But it's not okay. I'm supposed to think. I'm supposed to run things over and over in my mind. I'm supposed to look at things from all sorts of different angles to try and perceive all possibilities. This is especially true when it comes to things that I read in the bible. But I don't do this with what I read. I do this with other things that happen in my life, but not with my reading. So I need to start that. I really need to start journaling what I read. I was doing it for a while and it was good. There's something about writing stuff down rather than just thinking it over in your head. It creates a permanence that thoughts need in order to become something more than thoughts.

And now it's 2:30am and I'm tired, so I'm going to bed. Goodnight all. Have fun.

Why am I still awake?

I only got about an hour of sleep last night and here I am still awake at 3am. Odd, how things like this can happen. I'm not even feeling very tired either. This could possibly be because I went to the movies tonight. I saw Stardust. It's a good movie. I can't think of anyone I know that wouldn't like this movie. They might all end up liking it for different reasons, but I'm sure that they'd all like it. I cried a little. YAY! Go see it. It's a good'n'.

So, I spent all day trying to take care of my ID. I didn't get to work at all. I barely was able to get to the place before they closed so that I could get my new one. So, that's two days that I haven't worked this week. It sucks really. Oh well. As long as I don't get fired, I'll be able to make up for it. So I pray that I don't get fired.

I walked out of church sunday night in a bit of huff, thus worrying a bunch of people. No worries though. That got worked out and that situation is better now. I now know that I should start my quest through the Bible. Cover to cover. If it takes me three years, then it takes me three years, but I'll get through it. The only thing there is to do is start. I honestly don't know why I haven't started yet. I'm probably subconsciously running away from it. I just need to jump in.

And now I'm going to go sleep for a few hours before I have to get up for work. Goodnight all.

Hangovers and lost I.D.s

So I'm sitting at home currently wondering where my friggin ID is. Oddly, though, I'm kind of glad it's lost because it means I can't go to work until I get a new one. I'm sure that sounds horrible to some people. But I need a job, so I'll go back to DLand today and get a new ID so that I can finish my shift up for today and be set for the rest of my time there. I have no idea where it could've gone off to. Oh well.

It's hard to wait for something that seems to be non-existent. And then, when it's in sight, the odds stack up so high against me that I nearly lose the will to keep going for it. It's these times that I feel like being a hermit would be a good idea. Maybe that's why I don't really care about my job at all right now. HUZZAH! Classic signs of depression setting in. Oh well. I'll get through it. I've done it before.

I know that the elation is hardwired into us by God. And thus, when the source is not there anymore, we naturally fall into a slight funk. This is when turning to God is a very good idea. This is also a good time to turn to friends. Even if you really don't want to. So, friends, I turn to you now and ask for support and prayer. Some of you will know the reasons and some of you will not. Some of you will be able to guess the reasons even if details are lacking. Some of you will be so completely clueless about what I'm saying that the only thing you might be able to pray is "God, help Sam with his thingy." And that's okay. I still love ya.

And now I must be going. The ETA I gave them was about an hour ago. :D Anyhoo, have fun y'all.

tired, yet fully awake

So, this past week, I've been stuck at home doing a whole lot of nothing because my feet were messed up and I couldn't go to work. At this point, I have such a bad case of cabin fever that I'm ready to drive myself somewhere and risk getting my feet messed up some more. Their almost done healing and I should be ready to go back to work by monday, but DUDE. I need to get out of the house.

I just ate some potato and I think it's upsetting my stomach. I shall lay off the spuds for a few days. I had some delicious pork for dinner though. MMMMM.....and I felt a lot better after eating it. I'll be eating some more chicken noodle soup tomorrow though. It should get me through the day. I really wish I could go somewhere though. But A) I need a place to go and B) I need a way to get there that won't put my feet in danger of breaking out like that again. If y'all get any ideas that might help me, feel free to give me a call.

I should probably go try to sleep. Sleep will be good for me and my feet. Good night all.


P.S.

I added a new list over there on the side. This list will consist of sites that I've found that I feel are worth mentioning and recommending to people. The first addition to the list, Balboa Photography, is something that I feel no qualms about sharing. This guy is good. He's got a real eye for it and a good deal of experience to go with it. Plus he's a rather anal guy so your not gonna get your pictures unless they're really good. So if you're looking for someone to take really good pictures of something, then check out Balboa Photography.

I had to share this

The Stand

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

So, I was reading through my blogs and saw this up on Los' blog. This song is quite the amazing thing. It always seems to cross my path when I really need to hear what it's saying. All I am belongs to God. That is what I strive for every day. Well, almost every day. It's hard to do and I can't do it on my own.

And now my upset belly compels me to leave. OY. What a week.