so....it's been a while.

I finally got my own computer back up and running, so now I'm typing this with my ergo keyboard and listening to the hum of my familiar fans. it's kind of weird that this is comforting to me.

I've come to the realization that I'm not as emo as I was in the past and therefore have not as much need for an outlet such as this. It's good to keep around though, so don't go expecting for this little bit of the internet to dissappear. I do get moments where I feel the need to type something out and get it out of my head.

One of those moments is now....kind of. I've had so much history with being introverted because of lack of friends and/or lack of opportunities to go out with friends. But now that has changed and I am very much the "HEY! Let's go party!" type. I'm not good at getting the parties together, but I'm totally down for going to one. But then I still think to myself, "am I just over compensating? Am I still hiding who I really am?" The answer, of course, is that I don't really know. Something tells me that I'm not being who I'm supposed to be, but I'm not sure if that has anything to do with my extro/introvertedness. I still very much like to have my quiet reflective moments where I don't do anything but sit there and think about my life. Those moments don't happen as much as they used to though. I used to complain all the time about living life in my head and not in "the real world". Now it's almost like the opposite. I spend so much time out and about with people that I don't really ever have time to be alone and let my mind process through everything. Where is the balance? Why is it so hard for me to find? Even though I just had five straight days off of work, only one of them was truely restful. maybe I just need to learn to say no to free time activities so that I have time to sit and contemplate my life. I did learn how to say no so that I could get my homework done, now I just need to transfer that skill over to my "contemplation time".

Until next time, my friends, have fun.