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So, it's 2am and I'm tired. But I'm still awake because I allowed myself to be distracted by youtube. I had decided way earlier that I was going to blog something, so I'm actually going to stick with that decision and blog.

What shall I blog about? I've been really depressed the past couple weeks. I just recently got through that. And why was Sam depressed? A girl. Boo. Oh well. it's how I'm wired I guess. Anyhoo, I'm through that now and I'm glad for it. I'm thinking that it was a good thing to go through because now I'm thinking about it and what it made me go through mentally and spiritually. I've developed my abilities somewhat because of it. So now, as I sit and think, I'm not just thinking about my issues, but also how I can use my slightly more honed abilities for the work of the Kingdom. I still don't know how. So I pray for that to be revealed in time.

I'm in a mopey mood right now. Not really depressed, but I just feel like sitting and brooding over my thoughts as I listen to slow, depressed music. Odd, no? Anyhoo, I'm like that sometimes. This is normal brooding, not depressed brooding. YAY! Praise be to God for giving me the ability to recognize these things about myself. And sometimes others.

I'm really torn right now. If I move into the kitchen, I'll get valuable experience with food working but I'll be making way less money. If I stay in my current bussing position, I'll be able to save up faster but I'll be getting ZERO practice with my culinary skills. And normally I'd say that money isn't that important, but now that I have big bills and an ambitious plan to buy a building for my restaurant, money is looking more and more friendly. GAH! And it's really nice to have some money when I'm so used to not having any. Anyhoo, that's where I'm at. Now I must sleep. Goodnight/morning.

Oh, and in case you're interested, here are a couple of the youtube videos that distracted me. I rather liked them. The first one looks kind of sketchy, but it's not really. I promise.

reflections on the week

So, this past sunday was about loving people. It was about going through crap and dealing with people's inadequacies (including your own) so that we might all stay united and in Christ's love together. I bring all this up because I've been seeing this all week. I'm seeing crap happen and people dealing with it in loving ways.

One, I made a stupid mistake with a friend and that friend was willing to open a line of communication back up so that we (I) can work it all out. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I'm fairly confident that we can get through it.

Two, my torn loyalties were forgiven when my small group prayed for me on thursday even though I skipped group. I still thank God for that

Three, I saw another friend hurt her boyfriend bad and he was able to deal and still help her through her own troubles.

My mind keeps going back to that shark attack story that Matt told us. And how that guy swam back out into those bloody waters to save his friend. And then I started reading Job and the same thing happens. After Job loses everything, his friends come to him and sit with him in the ashes and help him out. We all have points where we are Job. We are the guy getting attacked by the shark. But we must also have points where we are the friends that risk it all to help out our brothers and sisters. I'm trying to be that friend. It's hard for me. Really hard.

Pieces of a Broken Mind

There are few people I miss. I'm the "out of sight, out of mind" type of guy. But when something triggers a memory, I'm flooded with thoughts and emotions and sometimes it's hard to recover from a hit. When I find myself in a situation like that, I've found it to be a good idea to pray. I was praying all the way to work the other day. I'm rather surprised that I didn't crash.

I think God is currently working on my emotions. He's altered my mind quite a bit from what it used to be. Now I think He's working on my heart, thus fortifying my mind. Whether I'm right or not, I don't know, but that's what I think. I do know that He's constantly giving me reminders that my life is in HIS hands and not my own. But I've been feeling more lately. In the way that vocal exercises stretch out your vocal chords to give you a bigger range, I feel that God is giving me emotional exercises. That sounds really odd when you say it out loud. Oh well.

Forgiveness is a good thing. The peace that comes with it is quite amazing. I'm still wondering if I should ask the question or not. And right after I typed that sentence, I got the sense that I should. I should pray about it some though, for it can produce grave consequences if I go about it the wrong way. and, oddly enough, had I started with prayer, none of this would've happened. It makes me feel like a complete idiot.

And with that I go to pray. Goodnight all.