confusion and clarity all at once....

In all the stories about near death experiences I've heard, there has been one common factor. The moment where the person's entire existence is summed up in the phrase "this is it". Sometimes I think of this and become a bit jealous. I mean, for those people at those times, there wasn't anything complex about life. There weren't any bills, there wasn't any drama. There's no worries, except possibly the worry about whether it'll be painful or not. I wish my life were that simple. If there was only one thing for me to worry about like that, then I think I'd be much more content. But putting that random thought aside....

I was at Anime Expo this past weekend. There wasn't a lot that really happened in my life while I was there, but it felt like a lot. that seems to always be the case for me. Oh well. It started out really crappy. Then, after a day of working, I realized I hadn't eaten for about 14 hours. I dropped what I was doing and went to get some food. On the way to get some food, I walked through artists' alley. I was so grateful that I did that. I rediscovered at that time why I signed up for this. It was at that time, that I felt what I hadn't felt since I got there. The air changed. The atmosphere was there. The commonality of EVERYONE THERE was made completely apparent to me. They all had different opinions on just about every issue you could possibly think of, but they all had an intense interest in anime. Thus they all banded together to celebrate the joys that it brought to their lives. Sure they laughed at each other and threw insults here and there, but what group doesn't do that?

And this weekend also helped me get over something. I thought I was over it, but now I know for sure. Thank God for DDR. And I really mean that. I didn't really get to hang out with my friends and much as I wanted to, but I got to make some new friends so that was a good thing. perhaps next year I'll get to see them more. It's almost comical how much Staff Services, collectively, used the phrase "fuck it". There had to have been a time where in a span of 1 minute, I used that phase at least six times. And each time was for a completely different reason. And the first time I used it made my weekend soooo much better. It really did. I was able to relax and enjoy myself after that. Thank God Jack was there. I've really got to retain that lesson. It will make life so much more enjoyable. And it's biblical. Don't worry about things out of your control. Paul says that somewhere. Do what you can do, then give the rest of it up to God. So, just a lesson I learned from someone that doesn't go to church often, if at all.

So I was able to have fun at AX this year despite:
crappy location
BIG last minute changes
HORRIBLE traffic
awkward situations

I must have drank at least five Rockstars over the weekend. That's saying a lot considering I don't drink energy drinks. I know I lost some weight over the weekend too.

Now I'm back in my life here and have to think about bills and all that stuff. I have no idea how i'm going to afford everything I need to pay for. But I will. I can trust in God. And in this moment, Yoda's words come to mind: "No. Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." Why does this come to mind? Because, if you think about it, you either trust God, or you don't. There's really nothing in between. So I'm trusting God. It's really all I CAN do at the moment. YAY! Simplicity. I like it! :D