New Hobby....kind of

So I've decided that I'm gonna make myself blog every day until new years next year. Why? I dunno. I feel the need. Maybe it'll make me a more interesting person. Maybe it'll make me a better communicator. We'll see what happens over the course of the year.

And since not everything is resolved just yet.....let's revisit what the police refer to as "The Incident".

I filed my report today. I didn't really want to at first because I know that I'm not gonna get any of that stuff back, but then a friend told me that I should and linked me to the website. I saw it as a really good idea at that point. Even though I'm not gonna get any of that stuff back, it's good to let the law people know what kind of stuff gets stolen. That's how all those spiffy, helpful statistics get made. So I put it in. I'm not getting my hopes up about getting anything back though.

I really wish they had left the socks. All the other stuff I'm over already, but I really needed those new socks.


Anyway, I dug out all my spare cards that I never really used last night and started looking through them. It was pretty therapeutic for me. I also realized that I didn't lose all of my good cards. I still have some really good ones. I'm actually working on a couple new decks now. They're gonna be really oldschool and cheap. They should be fun.

So yeah, that's gonna be my blog today. I'm going to bed.

Dear Thieves,

You upset me pretty bad. You took my BEST Christmas present. You took my most USEFUL Christmas present. You took the main part of my hobby that took YEARS of my life to assemble. You took my means of hydration that I was gonna use while working. I could sit here and be pissed about it. I could start living in fear because my security in life was broken. But I'm not gonna do either of those things. I'm not saying that I'm completely over it, but I'm getting there.

I could have really used those socks, but I don't absolutely NEED them. Those drinks would've made my days at work a lot easier, but I can get by with tap water. The plum wine would've been really delicious, but I don't need booze. You took the best parts of my nerdy hobby, but it's just a hobby. You took a few other things too. None of which were really NEEDED for me to continue on in my life.

So Merry Christmas you guys. I hope you're nerdy and/or savvy enough to appreciate what I gave you. Put it to good use and you'll be blessed. :D

Sincerely,

Samuel Wall

The Path of the Emo

Because apparently that's what I am. One event in which my friends upset me and I'm supposed to apologize to them. Sure I overreacted, but my feelings on the matter are still valid. Yet no one thinks this is so. So here I am on blogger venting about the whole thing. Because what the fuck else am I supposed to do about it.

Admittedly, I have a slight anger problem. There are times when my reactions are completely unwarranted. And people think that for some reason that makes the times when I'm validly upset not matter. "oh that's just sam. He gets mad easily." And that's the shit that made me this way in the first place. So will the cycle ever end? Probably not. Am I gonna kill myself over it? Hell no. It's not that bad. I'll go live as a hermit in the desert before I kill myself. That's actually sounding like a really good idea now. FUCK! Why the fuck don't I matter to anyone? Seriously. I never have. Not emotionally anyway. No one has ever given a fuck about how I feel. I don't even know why I bother. Seriously. I'd be happier alone I think. And people will read this and think that I don't want them in my life. Because no one actually LISTENS to what I'm saying. So for those of you that read this and want to say that I'm an asshole for saying these things, let me tell you what I'm actually saying.........

I WANT MY FRIENDS IN MY LIFE. I WANT MY FRIENDS TO ALSO CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL AND NOT JUST BRUSH IT OFF AS MY ANGER PROBLEMS. I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT MY FEELINGS ARE JUST AS REAL AS YOURS.

But will they get it? I dunno. I guess we'll see.

shifting priorites

you know how sometimes you start something thinking that it's what you want but then when your there and enjoying yourself, you realize that it's a really bad idea? I hit that place tonight. Do I regret doing everything I did? not really. should I keep doing it? probably not.

I changed my priorities thinking that my life would be amazing. It's not. Sure I'm enjoying all of it, but there is this little nagging doubt that's there the whole time. I tried shrugging it off and it's not going anywhere. So I'm changing my priorities again. Not back to what they were, but to what they should've been for a long time now.

Doing this I think will help me with EVERYTHING in my life. And doing this, if I stick to it, will make everything not needed in my life just drop off. Well, I might have to cut a few things off. But I don't really know yet. I'll probably know really soon though.

So, my new priorities in order:

1) GOD
If I don't have HIM first, then I'm gonna fuck up royally. Basically I need to ask myself, "Does this glorify GOD?" If the answer isn't YES, it's gotta go.
2) ME
I've got to start focusing on my WELL BEING. I've got to start selfishly seeking my good out. That doesn't mean doing what ever I want. That means doing EVERYTHING I need to do. Work out, eat right, go to church, etc.
3) CHURCH
I've GOTTA start helping out again. Somewhere.
4) GIRLFRIEND
If she's not on the list, I may as well be single, right?
5) Everything else.
It'll all fit in the right place as long as I keep the first four in the proper order.


I think I've made this list before. And if you look at the top of my blog, the spirit of it is reflected there. I just gotta stick with it. I really do.

thought vomit ad nauseum

I got fired from walgreens because I started swearing in front of customers. Stress got to me, I snapped, and the floodgates opened. It was a bad day all around. I was sunburned, so I was miserable from that. I had just had a day with a good friend where we started digging into each others nerves. So I felt bad about that too. With all this, there were the customers. Mobs and mobs of them. None of them really wanting to wait their turn. No one around to help me out. Equipment not working. Thoughts of throwing everything on the ground and smashing it all to bits. And then...SNAP. And it was over. I sounded like I belonged in a navy bunker or something. A lady got pissed about her 12 year old daughter being there and hearing it. A nice guy that had a little trouble understanding what I was talking about because I couldn't properly explain things due to my stressed brain. And a gaggle of other faceless people just trying to make their pictures pretty. It all culminated in me erupting with expletives. I can't blame anyone but myself for what happened. I was the one ultimately in control of what I did. I could get into the emotional elements that were there. I could talk about my history and how it had a huge hand in my reaction. But I know there's really nothing to blame except me. And that pisses me off. Because I can't always control myself. For a guy that's so big on handling things and training and whatnot, I really have no idea what it's like to be any of that.

I've never had control over anything in my life. And now that I'm in a spot where I have to control things, I really have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And that's another thing that pisses me off. I'm pissed off because I don't know how. And I'm pissed off because I feel like there's no one to teach me. And even though I KNOW there's plenty of people out there helping me to learn (my dad, friends at church, God) it still FEELS like I'm all alone in this. And I've felt like this almost my whole life. I'm sick of it. And I don't know how to get out of it. I really don't.

This isn't to say that I haven't made any progress. I can look at where I was two years ago and look at myself now, and I see that I've come a LONG way. But when I look at where I THINK I SHOULD be, I start feeling so depressed about my life. And that's another thing that's starting to piss me off about myself. I'm constantly looking at how things SHOULD be. And that's really a lie. I'm looking at how I WANT things to be. And the differences between that and how they ARE are so huge, that the only reaction to seeing it is to get depressed. I really need to stop doing that though. I think I'd be a lot healthier mentally and emotionally if I could just look at how things are and accept that. But saying that makes me also start thinking, "If I just accept it, where's the motivation to make things better?" And with that, that old prayer comes to mind:

Give me the courage to change the things I can
the grace to accept the things I can't
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I should really make that my mantra I think. I should also look up that whole prayer. should should should. I use that word a lot. I'm gonna take it out of my vocab for a while. Let's see what happens.

I feel a lot better after letting all that out here.

I guess it's time.

So, I haven't posted anything since Harry Potter 7. Not that there wasn't anything to post; there's a lot to post about. So at the beginning? Yeah.

1) I got fired from Walgreens.

I got mad, started swearing at the computer, and got four different complaints lodged against me. That's the short version. I may post the long version later if I feel like it.

2) I'm going back to school.

I will be majoring in Psychology. Possibly a minor is something else. I have a deep set desire to help people with issues, so I will pursue that.

3) I am now a sign twirler.

Though I don't really get to TWIRL the signs. I just stand out there on the corner and shove into people's faces. It's somewhat cathartic. I'm not entirely sure why.

4) I won free entry into a Yu-Gi-Oh event

I've been training alot. Trying to get myself up to tournament level. Not sure if I ever will be, but dag-gummit, I'm gonna try. Not sure why I care so much about winning at a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament, but I do.

And with that, I bid you all farewell. I'm off to do........something.

HP7!!!!!!!!!!!

It was very entertaining. Mainly because of the crowd in the theater.

Highlights:
-Ron and Hermione making out
-"Stupid girl!"
-"Who's is it now?" "Mine."

Lowlights:
-Fight scenes that were WAAAAAAYYYYY shorter than they should've been.
-Voldemort's face. eww.
-Stupid people clapping for things that you KNOW are gonna happen.

Yep. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 2. Watch it if you're a fan or if you've seen all the other movies. Otherwise, meh. Go see Winnie the Pooh.

what to do....

When you're sitting here and completely unmotivated, what do you do? You know you should be doing something productive, but at the same time, you don't see the point to it either. So you end up just sitting there being bored.

And that's where I'm at right now. My brain keeps reminding me about everything I COULD be doing but my psyche doesn't really see a point in any of it. And to that everyone says "Just do what you know you should be doing." It's that simple, isn't it?

Yes and no. Sure I could just start doing things. Laundry, applications, hobbies, etc. But if there's no motivation behind it, then usually nothing really actually happens. Anyhoo, that's where my head is at right now. Gotta get motivated somehow.

Man I'm "Fired" Up

It's time to get a new job. Not entirely voluntary, but that's okay. Some interesting things come up in my initial searchings for work.

The first is DamnINeedAJob.com. It's a fairly interesting concept. One that I like. One that would make me really consider giving someone a job if I was in the position to do the hiring. My friend says that it's a lame idea. I'm thinking about getting one of the shirts for myself.

The second is another interesting concept: Stop Looking So Hard. It's another idea that I like because I've realized first hand how true it is. So I'm not gonna give up completely, but I'm not gonna put all my energy into it either. Why do that when I can also put some time on bettering myself in other ways? There is one problem with this method though. It takes great mental and emotional strength to go through with it.

But the one thing I do know about all this is, the thing that gets you a job is face time. All the jobs I've ever had, I got them because I talked with someone face to face. You can do all the applications you want, but if you don't get any face time, then all that time is wasted. That's why I know that there is truth in both of these concepts.

So wish me luck. Pray if you feel led. I'm off to sleep and possibly have an answer appear in a dream. It could happen. :D

I'm BACK Baby!

so I'm online again. That means that pics of the new place will be going up soon. But not tonight. I'm too tired and in too much pain. I got to celebrate my new online status last night with a trip to the hospital. I stepped on a nail and it went through my shoe and into my foot. Good times. 300 dollars later, I'm hobbling around on crutches and trying not to cry too much. I'm hoping pandora will make me feel better. That and prescription pain killers. Probably some comics too. I have soooo many comics to catch up on. Missed a whole MONTH of comics man. Sucks.

So yeah. I'm gonna go pop some pills and relax with some music and such. I'll get some pics up some time before the end of the week, because I KNOW you're all waiting for them. ;D

Twice i had it. Twice

Twice i had it. Twice i had to give it up. I'm hoping for a third shot. Maybe i won't have to give it up that time.

If i can't get it

If i can't get it fixed tomorrow i'm calling charter.

No internet this weekend. Att

No internet this weekend. Att thinks that people don't need to set anything up on saturdays. Boo to that.

I should have internet service

I should have internet service when i get home from work tonight. Here's to hoping.

ROUND 1!

Cleared zones and full car. Progress is being made. Not as much as I was hoping for though. :(

Pic limit of 5

this all has to get into PACKED MODE.

PACKING AND MOVING!

It sucks but it needs to get done. a friend suggested a picture dump. so here it is.





This is my car that needs to be cleaned out so that I can put stuff in it :(

DAAAAAANNNNNNNG

I completely forgot about this thing. Soooo much going on in my head.

I'm moving in a week. Trying to write out the story for my comic. Working. Dealing with my plethora of issues. Good times.

I got a new CD and I'm playing the CRAP out of it. Well.....the CD is new to me. Owl City: Ocean Eyes. WOOOOOO! I ripped it to my comp so now I listen to it at home and in my car ALL THE TIME. Love it.

So yeah. That's the past week basically. My hands are healing nicely. A&D Ointment is very helpful in that department. Keeps the tissue from drying out and cracking, thus keeping it from getting injured further. WOO for being smart!

And now I should go to bed and sleep so that I can get up in the morning and finish getting my new place ready. YAY!

Me and and ax VS a tree

The tree won the first round, but I'm not giving up. I'll be back for round two in a couple days. And this time......I've got GLOVES!

Why did I feel compelled to show this picture? Because I'm PROUD of these wounds. Hard work is GOOD for a man. And I felt really good, even though I wasn't really successful. Though we did get about a third of the way through the tree. Not too shabby.

I'm looking forward to my new place that I'm moving to. There's a lot of work there that needs to be done, and I'm gonna do a lot of it. It'll be good for me. Screens to install, carpet to replace, gardens to plant, plumbing to fix, etc. It'll be good times. I'll share my war stories here probably. :D

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

That poem is by Robert Frost. It's my favorite poem. Probably because of the memories attached to it.

I first learned about Robert Frost in my junior year of high school. My English teacher that year was amazing and taught me that thinking differently was a good thing that should be embraced. He encouraged my art and always REMINDED me to take off my hat. He never told me to do that. He had a joy for life that I haven't seen in anyone else ever again. He was truly the only reason I get a little sad when ever I think about my time in Idaho. I miss him and wish I could have spent more time with him. But on that same token, I'm IMMENSELY grateful for the time I did get to spend with him.

I think it's time that I memorized this poem again.

daaaaang

so I missed two days. Oh well.

It's currently 2:30 AM and I'm sitting here eating ramen and eggs because I'm starving. And I'm also exhausted. Good times.

I have a lot starting up in my head currently. Working on the comic is the only thing that has ACTUALLY started, but my brain is where I do most of my living, so stuff in my head weighs pretty heavy on me. But since the comic is the only thing happening, let's talk about that.

I've determined (again) that I really need to invest in a tablet for my computer. It would not only save a lot of time, but my scanner doesn't work with my new computer anyway. So I'm currently saving up for that. (yes I'm ACTUALLY saving money)

Second, I've got a little drawing project I'm working on that should get my chops back up to where they were when I stopped updating the comic. It's still not gonna be amazing quality, but it won't be terrible either. This is gonna be a long project, so it'll be a while before it's complete.

In other news, I'M MOVING AGAIN! I'll be closer to work, and that will save me LOADS of money on gas. The money I save might go towards getting internet access, but at least I'll still be breaking even right? And I'll be closer to everything else in my life, so that'll be good. Should be happening by the end of the month. WOOT!

wowowowowowow

I started doing some work on Jodee today. Turns out that I don't really like to draw Jodee. but I like to have here there. So.....yeah. Make of that what you will.

I should get back to doing some more work on her. But I needed to type some stuff here since I'm trying that whole "post every day" thing.

I had the day off today and it was a weird one. I basically sat at my desk all day. I've been on the verge of cabin fever most of the day, but haven't actually crossed that line. I feel like I should be going crazy, but I'm not. That's one of the main things that made this day weird.

So with that I go back to listening to music and drawing. Toodles.

FEEL the BUUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNNN

Is it weird that it's only been three days and I already feel a bit burnt out with posting here? I dunno. Probably not, since I'm not really used to it. But I figure this is really good practice. If I can get used to just making myself write SOMETHING every day, then getting the comic pumped out should be easier in the long run, right? Right?

I dunno.

I feel like I'm just avoiding drawing right now. That's a bad thing. Drawing is just as important, if not MORE SO, than writing right now. So I'm gonna go draw something. Probably not as intense as I did last night, but it'll still be something. So I'm off.

I should be getting something set up soon so that I can start posting my drawings again. I'll keep you updated. :D

Two Mountain Dews, Paper, and a Pen

Man I needed to be asleep four hours ago. Oh well. I'm getting some drawing done. Basic prelims. Getting back into it. Figuring out my shapes and whatnot. I have the basic shapes for the girls down again. It took some doing, but I got it. I figure I'll go back to drawing and skip sleep tonight. I have to get up in two hours anyway.

Just read something that we should all keep in mind. Not sure if I agree with EVERYTHING there, but it's still worth reading. It has a lot of good points. The main ones being: Live in the now, Stop caring about the opinions of others, and take care of yourself.

I downloaded Firefox 4 tonight. Using it right now to type this out. I think I like it. I definitely like the bigger window. The toolbars take up less space so there's more room to show the content. It might very well become my default browser soon.

Okay the interenets are distracting me too much. I gotta close this window. So I'll be back soon. I'm planning on posting everyday for the month of May. Let's see if that actually happens :D

Desk Update

I got it clean. I'm rather proud of the work. I don't really have a way to have COMPLETELY dedicated space to the comic, but my keyboard easily gets out of the way, so it should work. I'll just get a folder to put the comics in so they stay clean and neat.






Now the task of keeping it this neat and clean begins. THATS the hard part.

Raspberry Beret

So I figured I should add something since I opened this thing up.

I'm in debt and there's a lot of bills I'm not paying. This led to some rather heavy depression last week. My dad was an amazing help through that though. I'm very happy to have him in my life.

That bout gave me some inspiration though. I've started revving up the comic again. It'll take a while before I re-launch though. I want to do it right this time. That means:

Planned story
Buffer
Set schedule

I'm working on the first and third of those right now. Before I can have the comic on a set schedule I have to be on a set schedule. It's really hard for me to do, but if I could do it, I'd get everything done in the mornings. And when things get done in the mornings, the rest of the day is a lot less stressful. And once I've got myself on the schedule, it should be fairly simple to get the production of comics on a set schedule too. I need to figure out how to quickly get a comic done without burning myself out. And by the time I figure that out, the buffer should be built up. YAY for mulitasking. :D

And I really like what I have planned for the story. Some better character development, and better story development. Both of those are SORELY needed. I look at what I've done already and it makes me cringe. So hopefully I'll keep myself from cringing too much in the future.

I need to get myself some dedicated workspace for this. If I actually dedicate some desk space to be a "comic only" zone, I'd probably get a lot more done. Alrighty, I've decided. I shall start posting pictures here. Pictures to show progress.


That is my desk right now as I'm typing this. The next time I post it won't look like that.

And now it's time to sleep. And I'll get up in the morning to clean.

Story Time

I have an idea for a story that I'm working on. it should be awesome. I'm hoping it's awesome.

Just thought I'd share that with pe0ple. :D

A Male Perspective

[Four women see a new store opening up and decide to check it out. It's called "The Man Store" and once inside women get to choose a man or move on to the next floor and see what awaits them there.

They all enter the elevator to go up a floor because on the first floor the men are just plain old nice guys, with average incomes, and they have never been married.

On the second floor, a sign reads, "This floor has men who are somewhat tall, average in weight, and divorced. They have decent jobs, but don't own a home."

The women decide to go on to the third floor, thinking these guys are losers.

On the third floor, a sign reads, "This floor has men who are tall, a little overweight but in good shape, and divorced. They have nice jobs, and drive a BMW."

The women decide to go on to the fourth floor, thinking they don't want to settle.

On the fourth floor, a sign reads, "This floor has men who are tall, great shape, and make about $100k. They have a nice home, are divorced and pay child support, and drive a Porsche."

The women look at each other and think, "There's still one more floor, we should check it out because it just keeps getting better and better!!". And they all agree not to settle for the men on the fourth floor.

On the fifth floor, there is a final sign which reads, "This floor has no men on it at all. We gave you every opportunity to meet a man and find happiness, but you were never satisfied and always wanted something better. That man doesn't exist, thanks for playing."]

I found this tonight and it made me start thinking. At first it was the typical cynicism. "Ain't that the truth. Women are always like that." But then I caught myself. It's not really like that.

But that doesn't change the fact that it can SEEM like that. Now I realize that seeing the world in this light means that the dude with this outlook has some issues to get over. Usually himself. But there are things that women do that aid in some guys seeing the world like this. One of those things: laughing at him. Not the cute, flirty laughing that you use when making eyes across a room, and not laughing at some witty comment he makes. But laughing at HIM. I know what it feels like to be laughed at. It's not a nice feeling at all.

Now I realize that sometimes signals aren't sent or received correctly and that can account for some of it. Just try to remember that Men are people too. They're human same as you. They have all the same emotions you have. The insecurity, the nervousness, the "WTF am I doing". And ALWAYS REMEMBER: no one is perfect.

And while we're on the subject, if the guy approaches you and you have no interest, tell him. Just say, "sorry I'm not into you that way". It's just as awkward for both parties so just be honest right off the bat.