It hit the fan

I feel like just making a list of words that fit the occasion.  But then no one would know what the heck I'm talking about.  So then I ask myself "how much detail should I put in here for the world to see?"  Then I remember something I promised  a while ago.  I would be real.  So the following takes place between Saterday, April 21, 2007 12:00pm and Thursday, April 26, 11:59pm.

I'm at the Anime Expo BBQ and not digging the music.  So, I pull the CD out and hand it to the person standing on my right.  I notice that it's a female, but that's about it.  I'm quite focused on finding better music.  I come back with my tunes and put 'em in and crank it.  WOOT!  Party time!  "Do I still need to hold this?"  OH!  No.  So I grab the CD from her and put it in a safe place.  "Hi!  I'm Sam.  Well, actually, I'm changing it up and accepting my real name now, so call me Samuel."  "I'm......"  I don't remember.  I continue hanging out at the grill smelling the glorious meat.  I get to finally eat some.  MMMMMMMMMM.   What?  A game?  I'm SO down with this.  What?  Oh.  It's a game to help us learn names.  Crap.  I'm gonna lose.  Oh well.  Let's see how long I can make it.  Oh.  It's that girl standing next to me.  "What's your name?"  "Megan."  Ah.  "and that is.......Chris.  OK."  "I'm Samuel.  And this guy is Sam, so we're gonna use that to help us win."  Dang, I gotta move because we're both Sam.  "BANG!"  Dang.  We're both out.  Oh well.  Time for more tunes and grub and talk.  So I go back to the grill area and switch the song because the grill master said it was too slow for grilling.  I had to agree.  I pull up a chair with some people and we talk about stuff I don't know too much about as is the usual.  I don't know how long I'm there.  I eat some more good food.  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.  What?  Dodge Ball?  I'm THERE!  So I head out to the field and there she is again.  "Hello.  You are...........Megan."  "Good job."  Oh.  They're picking team captains.  Okay.  Okay I'm on this team.  SCORE!  She's on my team.  A few good hits.  Eight games.  Sweet!  She's on my team each time.  WOW!  We didn't lose any games.  Why was on the winning team?  I dunno.  But it's cool.  "Wow.  You look like you got a nasty sunburn there on your neck."  "I think it's because I keep rubbing there."  "That could do it too."  Last game.  Sweet.  We win AGAIN.  Yeah.  Dang my knee hurts.  I sit and talk some more with some other people about stuff I don't know much about.  I get a drink.  I see her sitting at a table.  I go to sit across from her.  "I wouldn't sit there if I were you."  "Oh.  Yeah."  Sweet!  That means I'll sit by her.  So I sit and we have conversation.  I wish Derrick would leave.  I wish he wouldn't say that to her.  Candid Shot!  I get up for some reason.  I don't know.  Something to do with food I think.  Either that or orientation.  Blah de blah.  I intro myself.  "I feed you so be nice to me."  Blah de blah.  Swag time.  I jump in line right behind her.  "What's this line for?"  "I'm not sure."  "Oof.  I'm squished."  Nice.  But be careful.  Picture time.  There she is.  Let's get next to her.  Nice.  Time to go.  Where is she.  "bye bye Megan"  Hugs.  "Look me up on MySpace."  Drive home.  Thinking about someone else all the way there.  Get home.  Add her to my friends without really knowing why.  Go to bed.

Wake up EARLY.  Gotta be there early to set everything up and be ready on time for once.  Set up.  Check.  Show.  Free time.  MySpace.  Goof around.  New messege.  "I see you online."  Hmmm....what to do.....  Goof some more.  new messege.  "Call me you goof!"  Save number.  Dunno why.  Just in case, I guess.  Pipeline over.  Not hungry.  UGH.  donuts.  Go to gym.  Sleep.  Glorious sleep.  I wake up and I'm still not very hungry.  Oh.  Banana and muffin.  Perfect.  Church.  Friends.  Fun.  Chipotle.  Good times.  Plan a lunch for tuesday.  Sweet.  Go home.  Tired.  Get home and add her to all my messenger services.  Sign in.  Not on.  GO to bed.

Wake up.  Not much done.  Call from chick-fil-a.  SWEET!  Interview.  At four.  Get dressed.  go to interview and Chik-fil-a then to interview at Starbucks.  Score.  Wait.  neither seemed very hopeful.  Oh well. Move along.  Get home and eat something.  Get online and check the sites.  sign into messengers.  She's on.  "yo"  "hey"  Conversation ensues.  Some heavy conversation.  Some light conversation.  mostly heavy though.  "why are we talking on here when you have my number?"  "I don't know."  I log out and shut down and call her.  We talk.  A lot.  About a lot.  "What are you doing tomorrow night?"  "Nothing"  "Wanna go out?"  "Sure"  "Sweet"  Finish up.  Go to bed.

Wake up in time to be ready for lunch.  Change of plans.  I'm picking her up early.  Okay.  Rush to Ontario.  Wait to pick her up.  She gets in and we go.  We get there around three.  "hey guys.  sorry about that."  greg:"who's that?"  "a friend.  Maybe more.  I dunno."  Conversation at subway.  Lovely image of worms coming out of a porkchop.  Greg leaves.  Daniel leaves.  We leave.  I show her around town and point out some of my childhood landmarks.  We go to Castle Park and don't do much because it's mostly closed.  We do get a small souvenir though.  We head out and as I'm thinking about whether to do it or not, she grabs my hand.  I'm confused at first.  Then I roll with it.  We get back in my truck and sit and talk for a while.  When she notices my white socks, she let's me know I should get some black socks.  I tell her I know I should but haven't had much opportunity.  Then I remember that I have some gift cards for Target.  And Target is just down the street.  So I tell her we're going to Target.  And we go.  I get my socks.  "Pizza Hut...."  "Are you hungry?"  "Yes!"  "Okay, we'll go for food after this."   So we do.  Good food.  Good conversation.  We head out.  And then he comes up.  She's having issues in life and he is a part of them.  We talk about it.  I give her a hug.  And something happens.  I'm not sure what.  But it's big.  "It'll be okay.  God's will be done.  You'll be okay and it'll all work out."  Kiss on the cheek.  Nice.  Crazy.  Good?  I take her home and have some more intense conversation about the situation.  Leave with a hug.  go home.  Go to bed.

Wake up.  Finish putting presentation together.  Get ready and leave for the church offices.  I get there AT my appointment time.  I have to wait around a bit, but that's okay.  I go in with Pastor Neil and we sit and I start to tell him about Sandals Health Club.  it goes well.  And I'm very glad that I noticed the sign that said don't be redundant when talking with Neil.  It's a go.  I'm working on pulling people together right now, because I know it needs to be done.  It'll still be a while before it get's going, but I know it's going so I'm working on it.  After that, I go and get some lunch.  It's a really late lunch.  But it's ooooh so good.  I do some praying.  I do some reading of my bible.  I head off to help set up for wednesday night.  I get there at the same time as Justin and we start.  I tell him what's going on and how it's all confusing.  And  I don't get much input from him other than be careful and pray.  So we finish set up and I head off to pick her up.  We get there right as Justin is finishing up his speech about speech.(hahahahaha)  I go up with her to get her into a group.  I'm pretty much a jerk about the whole situation all night.  We do group.  We hang out.  We head off.  On the way home, we talk about us, about the fact that I was a jerk, and music and......  So we get back to her place and we park and sit for a while.  Conversation picks back up again.  A challenge is issued.  And I accept.  She cries.  I hold her.  Then I get this inkling.  This notion.  I ask for the will of God in all this.  I get it again.  I question God about it.  It comes back nearly audible.  One last time I ask for God's will.  "I told you"  So a kiss.  Sweet.  Short.  Leading to some more.  No hands grabbing.  No grinding.  Just the kiss.  "I can still remember just the way you taste."  Why?  I felt led to.  Why would this be a leading?  I don't know.  I'll ask God when I meet him face to face.  Until then, all I have is my belief that I was led by the spirit.  So we finish off the conversation with my promise to get a battering ram.  "I know where I can get a big one.  I figure since God made the universe, He could supply me with a pretty good one."  I leave and go home.  Go to bed.

 I wake up with a phone call from Megan.  And we talk for a bit.  Then we move it to AIM because it's easier to talk with people there while you check your email rather than holding a phone.  so while there, I see my friend online and we start talking as well.  I decide to meet up with him for lunch or something because I haven't seen him in a while.  So I get off get a shower and all that and head off to meet him.  I pick him up at his house and we go to Lowes to apply for a job because we both need one.  Then we go to the church offices again because my sister wants to talk to me and I heard about internships there.  So we're there and we're there for a while.  I eat my sandwich that I brought and fill out the app and we chat with people there about all these various things.  Then I get a text messege.  "we broke"  I'm like "what does that mean?"  So I ask and I find out and I'm like "WHAT?!"  So I go and call her.  And I find out that now the situation isn't one way but another way that's  completely weirder and actually a bit harder to deal with.  So we talk a bit and I pray.  Then I finish my day with my friend and go back to my sister's place and we talk for a bit.  About this mainly.  Then I head home and meet her on AIM like she wanted and we talk some more.  She mostly says she wants to help him and know concretely what to do about all this.  I mostly say get out of the way and let God work and Pray for His will in all this because that'll be best.

And now, after typing all that out, here's where I'm at:
I want something that it's definitely not time for even if it's in His will.
I need to really sit in the quiet and think all this through.
I need to really pray about all this.
I need to really just sit in God's presence and focus on what His will is.
I need to do some serious reading of the bible.

I'm on pause with all other people right now.  I really need time alone for this.  I'll seek the counsil of some trusted friends in a couple days, but for now, after I sleep, I will just go to God with all this and see what's up.  And with all this, I bid you farewell.