holy.......

Deep thoughts tonight.  Some serious things to consider.  Seriously HEAVY things.  I'm not sure how much to put down.  I could just put it all down.  I always debate with myself about this.  Even though a while back I made a vow to put everything.  I guess I'll just make it blunt tonight.   I don't feel like using my brain to make it vague.

A) I've totally been cheating on God for the past week.  It makes me feel lower than dirt.  Pray for me please.

B) I've been issed yet another challenge.  Am I willing to give up my right to a wife?  I don't know if that's where my life is going, but it's a question that I definitely need to find the answer to.

C) I have a list of Females i my head.  And I periodically scroll through it.  This happens involuntarily.  It's rather insane.  So many beautiful smiles.

One is definitely out for good now, though.  So that's a bit of a plus.  Although, things can change.  I mean, lots of time will pass before I act on anything again.  There's so much to learn in this category of life.  So much to consider.  I wish my brain wasn't so tainted by all the crap I've put in there.  Maybe I should do a media fast.  And just stick to doing my email once a day.  I dunno.  I do know that it's all frustrating.  And why don't I put all this thoughtful energy into talking with God?  Why?

Then there's the fact that I need a frickin job.  Screw career.  I need cash flow.  I'm gonna try a place in the morning.  And there's a job fair that I'm going to on thursday.  And then there's something on the 19th that might pan out into something.  God I need something.  I know that you'll take care of me, but I don't see how right now and it's really frustrating to the point of draining my energies.

Then there's my book that I'm planning.  I should work on that in my spare time, too.  And I have a lot of spare time lately.  Maybe that's why I'm jobless.  I dunno.  Anyhoo, I'm gonna go to bed.  I'm tired.