Falsehood vs. not knowing

Forgiveness is the key.  Forgiveness of others.  Forgiveness of self.  Wanting a guilty feeling is not right.  Even in pain, that right must be given up.  When balance is achieved, life shifts.  The game is restarted.  The quest, set back.

I think I know the solution to my scenario.  I walk into the control room of the building.  And I give them my pot of curry.  Then I stay there to feed them while the person they kidnapped goes free.  That's one possability.  Another, I give them the curry and then leave with the hope that they set the captive free.  Nah.  Here's what can be done.  As I'm walking down the corridor, I pray that the captive is released with no harm done.  I can have faith that it will happen.  What happens to me doesn't matter much in the scenario.  Why is that?  I don't know.  I may never know.

As I'm typing, I'm starting to turn numb to all of this.  I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  It's probably a bad thing.  Or at least a sign of something bad that is happening.  I don't know.  My desire for hermit-ness is increasing.  Economics.  The art of choosing one thing over other things.  What's important?  What's needed?  What's wanted?  And now for the depression to set in.  Why am I so depressing when I type?  Perhaps it is because of this whole messy thing.  I really want to light the match and be done.  There's a metaphore there that I didn't fully intend.  Perhaps I did on a subconscious level.  I don't know.

On a lighter note, I actually have something to do with my life tomorrow.  I have six places to go and apply to.  Nothing is beneath me right now.  I'll take what ever I can.  I'll restock socks.  I'll clean toilets.  With my bare hands.  I had to do that once.  Once you get past the fact that it's a toilet, it's not bad at all.  I had a good poo yesterday.  It was glorious.  But I'm sure no one wants to hear about it.  Or read about it.  Or....whatever about it.  Why are people so put off when I tell them that I have to go to the bathroom?  I'm just saying where I'm going.  And if the situation is bad, then what I'll be doing there will come out.  Which shouldn't really matter at all, because we ALL do it.  So if I say I have to pee or poo, you shouldn't get grossed out or anything.  You'll have to do it at some point too.  And on that lighter note, I'll head out.  Peace Y'all.