You ever get lonely for

You ever get lonely for no good reason? Its been happening to me a lot lately. I wish i had a bible here.

WOW

So I am now living on my own away from the parental units for the very first time in my life. No one over my shoulder telling me what to do all the fricking time. It's rather nice. Of course it was all those years that drilled into me what I SHOULD do, so I pretty much stick to that.

So yeah, I have a utility in my name. It makes me feel rather weird when I sit and think about it. It's like I HAVE to grow up now. I don't have a choice anymore. And I really like that feeling. I don't really feel like I'm ready for it, but I know that I can do it if I just buckle down and do what I gotta do. So yeah.

I'll also just signed up for a relational development group. It's designed to help people really grow and deal with their issues. And that's something that I need to do really badly. I'm willing to bet tears will be shed in the process. One can hope anyway.

So yeah that's about it in life right now. No major thoughts on anything really. I'll check y'all later.

Have fun.

So I'll be switching schools.

So I'll be switching schools. UOP Has been good for getting me started on school again but its time to start real school again.

I don't know how i'd

I don't know how i'd handle my existential crisis without my relationship with god secured by my savior.

the quiet hum of fans

So it's 4:30 am and I'm tired. I'm awake because I got home from work and got really uptight because I needed to complete a research paper and turn it in. I didn't need to turn it in for the grade. I needed to turn it in to keep myself from being dropped from the class.

I didn't get the paper done in time, so I didn't turn anything in, thus leading to my "auto-drop" from the course. So I don't know what's gonna happen with me on that front. And it's this uncertainty that is keeping me awake. I tried some reading: no luck with mental relaxation. Games: never really relax my mind. Talking with people: helps quite a bit. But no one's on at this time of night. So here I am posting a blog.

And I'm starting to get heavy eyes now as I keep yammering on about this particular subject. Which I guess is good, because it means that I should be able to go to sleep now if I try.

I've been spending a lot of my time looking for a place to live. I found one about a week ago and I'm slotted to move in on the 1st. It'll be a roomate situation and I'm wondering how it's gonna work out. We haven't entirely come up with a way to divide the rent. With one person sleeping in the living room, it'll be an uneven division of rent because of privacy issues.

cue tired rambling. YAY! blogging is doing what it's supposed to be doing. Of course this is why I don't attract nor keep readers. Because I usually talk about the same thing over and over or it's just random babble about being tired/stressed.

the feeling of defeat consumes me right now. And so I resign to my bed for sleep. maybe it'll put things in perspective?

I only get 160 characters

I only get 160 characters when i use my phone though so i might have to start using shorthand so i can say more in less space.

I can Blog From my

I can Blog From my phone so why don't i Blog more? The formatting sucks but i can still update people on things.

so....it's been a while.

I finally got my own computer back up and running, so now I'm typing this with my ergo keyboard and listening to the hum of my familiar fans. it's kind of weird that this is comforting to me.

I've come to the realization that I'm not as emo as I was in the past and therefore have not as much need for an outlet such as this. It's good to keep around though, so don't go expecting for this little bit of the internet to dissappear. I do get moments where I feel the need to type something out and get it out of my head.

One of those moments is now....kind of. I've had so much history with being introverted because of lack of friends and/or lack of opportunities to go out with friends. But now that has changed and I am very much the "HEY! Let's go party!" type. I'm not good at getting the parties together, but I'm totally down for going to one. But then I still think to myself, "am I just over compensating? Am I still hiding who I really am?" The answer, of course, is that I don't really know. Something tells me that I'm not being who I'm supposed to be, but I'm not sure if that has anything to do with my extro/introvertedness. I still very much like to have my quiet reflective moments where I don't do anything but sit there and think about my life. Those moments don't happen as much as they used to though. I used to complain all the time about living life in my head and not in "the real world". Now it's almost like the opposite. I spend so much time out and about with people that I don't really ever have time to be alone and let my mind process through everything. Where is the balance? Why is it so hard for me to find? Even though I just had five straight days off of work, only one of them was truely restful. maybe I just need to learn to say no to free time activities so that I have time to sit and contemplate my life. I did learn how to say no so that I could get my homework done, now I just need to transfer that skill over to my "contemplation time".

Until next time, my friends, have fun.

tired

I've been behind in my school work for the past week and a half, but no more. I am now fully caught up. YAY! Now to get my ass ahead so that I don't fall behind again.

I got a tooth pulled yesterday. My mouth feels soooo much better now. It's still tender in there, but it doesn't hurt like it did.

I don't know what to do with life right now. It feels like it's just swirling around blender style and I'm just in it being whipped around. I don't like it. not sure what to do though. any tips?

Throwback Shouldn't Be Thrown Back

I just tried some Pepsi Throwback. I am so reminded of Crystal Pepsi that I re-lived my childhood while drinking it. After a few more sips, It wasn't so much like Crystal Pepsi but it was still very clean tasting and smelling. I can't use words to describe it. All I can do is beg that everyone that reads this goes out and buys it. It is amazing! And I don't use exclamation points lightly!

The Unanswered Question

When my question was left unanswered, it left me completely unsure about my life. Without the answer to my question I was unable to settle on anything or make any important decisions. But slowly, ever so slowly, the answer to my question is being written on my heart by God. Thus my life is starting to come together a bit. But there is still this wound caused by the unanswered question that is preventing me from becoming the man I am meant to be.

So in my quest for manhood, I'm having many many ideas that would not only aid in my journey, but also the journey of every other man that is seeking and needs the answer to this question and every other question needed to be answered. If we can get together and really support and build each other up, I think that we could accomplish great things. And doing great things is the reason we're here.

working for the weekend

so I have a job now. I'm working part time at walgreens. It's a fairly easy job that doesn't use too much of my brain power. This is good because it allows me to focus more of my brain power on getting my school work done, and that takes quite a bit of my brain power. I've said brain power quite a bit in the last few sentances.

I just watched some One Piece. It was amazing. It feels like it's been forever since I've watched some One Piece. Speaking of anime, I'll be the Merch Shift leader at AX this year. Isn't that spiffy? Hopefully I'll be good at it. I've never been a shift leader, but something tells me that it won't be too hard.

I'm so far behind on my final project for one of my classes. Hopefully I'll be able to get it done this next week though. My schedule is fairly free so I shouldn't have too much trouble doing it.

And now I'm tired of typing. So I'll check in with y'all later I guess.

Easter is...

easteristhetimewhenwecelebrateourlord
easteristhedaywhenweshouldn'teverbebored
easteristheseasonwhereourjoyiscomplete
easteristhereasonwecanstayonourtwofeet

This is the holiday that we as christians should be looking forward to each and every year. If we don't see this as our most holy of holy-days, then we should check ourselves and evaluate where our views of ourselves, the world, and our God lie. When we fail to recognize that Jesus's ressurection is the single most signifigant event in our beliefs then we fail to see what has really been offered. So, if you haven't, sit back, take a moment, and think about what you would have done if Jesus had died and NOT risen again. Where would you be if there were no atonement to be had?

And for those of you that really know why we celebrate easter, remind those all around you that you're pumped because Jesus died for your sins and came back to prove the death has been defeated. WOOT!

I LOLd SOOO bad

I just had to share this. You know this guy is looking at this video now and shaking his head wondering why he thought he was so cool. Either that or he still thinks it was awesome. I know if it were me, I'd still think it was awesome.

I don't have much

I've started the heated search for a job this week. Funny thing about that: it corrosponds to the beginning of Script Frenzy, and my insane amount of homework I need to do. I figure juggling all that with church and family obligations is something I really need to practice. Pray for me please.

In other news, I am a shift supervisor for the merch dept. at Anime Expo this year. I think that I can do a good job of making sure that nobody works too hard. That is my goal with this new assignment. I'll let you know how it works out.

My Sanji look is coming together rather nicely. If I can just get someone to style my hair a bit, I'll have the look down perfectly. The question is, how can I get it done for free. I have a few people I can ask. I'll keep you posted on that too.

I haven't done a mind dump here lately. The main reason is, whenever I sign in to do it, my mind goes blank about all my issues. I dunno.

I mentioned to my friend today that I've been noticing a lot of really pretty girls lately and I asked him what he thought. He told me that I was probably either really horny or really desperate. I think he hit the nail on the head. So if you can pray for that for me too, that would be good. This is not an area I like to be in.

I have an indepenent contractor type thing going now. I had a call for it today actually, but my phone was dead so I missed it. Oh well. It was for something SUPER simple anyway. Microsoft Update stuffs. So yeah. I'm hoping that that starts picking up too, because it'll give me some real world experience with working with computers. Plus it can help fund my A+ certification. And if I get that, I'll be able to provide a lot more services. YAY!

And now I must sleep. Goodnight all.

My New favorite show

http://www.mevio.com/shows/?sId=19439&mId=5679859

I will be watching this show as much as possible. IF I don't forget about it.

no dice

So, I've been back from michigan for a week and I haven't put up the "BIG POST" about the whole thing yet. But now as I sit here, I can't think of what to write for a "BIG POST". So I sit and stare at the screen with nothing too big coming to mind that I haven't already shared. So here is the cliff notes of the whole thing as I remember:

I stay up friday night so that I don't miss my 6am flight. After four planes, I finally land in Flint, MI. It's cold and raining. woot! We don't do much that day because of timing issues and the weather so we chill a bit and have dinner. The next day, bright and early we go get the insulation and start putting it in. It's a big mess and if we didn't have the face masks, we'd have inhaled a lot of paper. That wouldn't have been good for us. We had a lot of trouble figuring out how to get the blower for the insulation to work properly, but once we did, the work went a lot faster. I just wish we'd have known what to do the first day we were working on it. So then after we got that done we were done for the day. The next big project was cleaning up the big mess that the insulation caused. That was fun. IN the way that riding a bike with flat tires is fun. Then we replaced the fireplace. It looked way better when we were done. And that was one of the last projects we did while we were up there, because we had to get on the road by then so that dad could be home in time to go to work on monday. Thus, our road trip began. And now I must go. So I'll be back tomorrow with the rest of the story. :D

The Cult of Done

http://www.brepettis.com/blog/2009/3/3/the-cult-of-done-manifesto.html

This is amazing. This is now my philosophy for all my projects.

Flagstaff

We pulled into Flagstaff, AZ about an hour ago. We have a pretty nice room with internet so I can do my homework. The bed looks soooo comfortable right now.

We left Murfreesboro about 35 hours ago. We were able to make pretty good time because we decided to drive through the night so we took turns napping and driving. We're both really tired now, but it was worth it to make it this far this fast.

We went through Arkansas, Oklahoma,Texas (where we stopped and saw the Cadillac Ranch), and New Mexico. Good times. Such a drastic change of scenery as we moved from state to state. So many beautiful things out in nature. Proof positive of God's ultimate artistry. Little purple flowers, big red flowers, gorgeous forest, snow covered hills, rainbows, vivid green clovers, The list can go on and on. Get out into nature and SEE it. Experience it. It's worth the gas. Trust me.

This trip has been good. We've had some really good bonding time together and I'm learning quite a bit about my dad. Sometimes it seems like a bit too much information, but it's good I think.

I've been lacking a bit in the prayer and reading department on the trip and I think that's part of the reason for my tiredness. I'm jumping back on that tonight though. I've got my bible out and my other book out and I'll be starting in on those as soon as I'm done here.

So I'll get back to y'all later. buh bye.

So We're in santa rosa

So We're in santa rosa new mexico right now. Stopped and saw the Cadillac ranch. Pics of that soon.

POST!

I'm so tired so I'm trying to be quick, but at the same time, thorogh (I can't spell good right now).

I have left michigan. We left this morning and drove for 17.5 hours. We are now in Merfreesboro, TN. Not sure I spelled the town name right, but that's okay. We crashing with some friends that my dad made while he lived here in Tennessee. They have a highspeed connection. It's sooo nice. I can appreciate my "slow" connections at home now because they are still WAY faster than dial-up. But of course, dial-up is better than "no up". That's something good to keep in mind.

I'm slightly constipated due to increased cheese consumption and decreased water intake, but I think it's fixing itself since I started drinking a lot more water today. I had to pee a lot today. I'm taking that as a good sign.

My tooth has been in moderate to severe pain over the past three days or so. I know I need to get to the dentist about it, but I think part of my issue right now is the toothpaste I'm using. I have a strog feeling that it's making the tooth more sensitive. But I've decided to just get it taken care of when I get back. It'll put me more in debt, but I think it's something that I really need to do.

I'm almos done with my book that I'm reading. I'll be passing it on to my dad when I'm done. it's really been helping me a lot in my quest to become a man. I'm thinking that I'll really be in much better shape when I'm done with it and really focusing on my development. I need to update my book list over there on the side, but I'm WAY too tired to do that tonight. It'll probably sit there out of date for a while longer yet.

And I'm really tired so I think it's time for bed. Another early morning to get on the road. So good night all.

We're in farm country. Here's a picture for you guys. Not exciting to look at i know but just keep in mind that this is where our wheat comes from and it allways looks like this. So yeah. Thats it for now. Enjoy.

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I just took a shower

I just took a shower using hand soap. Good times. I'm so tired. I'm hoping to sleep well tonight.

This one's a bit better.

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Here's a picture of trouble. It was the best i could do. She didn't want to stand still.

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It's snowing again today. Today

It's snowing again today. Today is laundry day. We'll be heading south to tennessee tomorrow. Should be an adventure.

Day...2.5

So we finished insulating the attic today. It was a much bigger project than we anticipated. So, when we were done, we took the rest of the day off and went to the Loggers Memorial. It was a pretty sweet park complete with: a huge statue, a log jam, and a food raft. Pretty awesome.

And now I'm back at my dad's friend's dial-up computer to give you all this brief little update. There's a meeting that my dad has to go to on wednesday, so we'll either be leaving late wednesday or early thursday. He wants to be in tennessee by thursday night. I'm thinking we can do it if we get up early enough on thursday.

We should be able to use the laptop in the hotel with WiFi then. I'll be more glad with my homework time then.

So yeah, I better go eat before they give it to the dog. I'll be back tomorrow. :D

This one's for you daniel. :)

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Dial Up sucks

I'm in michigan now. YAY! But the only internet I have access to uses dial-up. It's taken me over ten minutes to upload one of my final projects for school. I'm really hoping that my connection to the school site doesn't time out before it finishes the upload.

how long does 1MB usually take to upload on dial-up. Anybody know?

My trip up here was rather annoying, but that's okay. I had to get on four planes. I've never been up and down so much in my life. I think I travelled more vertically than I did horizontally. I dunno. I haven't done the math. I've been too tired. Someone do the math for me.

Today has been filled with the tasks required for insulating the attic. It's been a pain in the butt. And we're not done. And we have to finish tonight. yay. It's okay though. When it's done, we'll never have to do it again. And now I'm going to leave. Maybe closing blogger will help it load faster. Maybe.

10.25 i call that extortion

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So i'm in kansas city

So i'm in kansas city and i'm really hungry. But this airport doesn't have a place where i can get food. And i'm really tired.

Fun times

I need to be at the airport in twelve hours. I'm leaving for michigan and won't be back anywhere for a couple weeks. So, check here for daily posts while I'm on my trip. And since I figured out how to send pictures expect some pictures every so often too. Also, if you haven't done so already and are interested, I am now on Twitter at twitter.com/samwall84
so follow me if you like because I'll be making random observations while I'm on my trip and that's the best place to put those.

I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight because I'd probably miss my plane if I did, so I figure I'll just sleep on the plane. It should work. If it doesn't, I'll let you all know. And now I've got to get back to finishing my final projects so that I can turn them in tonight before I leave.

Sweetness

it's not the best picture, but it shows me that it's possible. Expect pictures during my trip to michigan now. :D

This is a test.

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internet and such

I have two big project due this week. I don't want to do either of them, but I need to if I want to pass my classes.

The first project:
I have to make a powerpoint presentation convincing an imaginary committee to use my idea in a hypothetical situation. It's rather lame to me because there isn't any information that I can really use. I have to make up stuff. But all y ideas are down on paper now so all I have left is to actually make the presentation. I'm hoping I can do it in under five hours.

The second project:
I have to make a "survival guide" for surviving online classes and life in general. This project isn't as annoying because I'm SUPPOSED to make it my way and use my preferences and all that. So it just becomes a matter of writing down all my thoughts on the issue. And that's all I'll have to do. I don't have to go find stupid graphs or images to put in. I can just make it all text. So much easier that way.

But that's what I'll be doing this week for the most part. YAY!

First Dates

It's on my mind and I gotta get it out. I'll be going out with someone next week and I'm having trouble with deciding what to do. I've already decided that dinner and a movie is out because I really don't want our time together to be spent watching a screen. Dinner is a really good idea, but where? A) I'm really low on money and B) I need it to not be Denny's.

Then what? Are we just gonna sit at a restaurant all night? Probably not. What should we do? I've had the suggestion of MiniGolf. Is that really a good idea? I dunno. It would help if I knew her a bit better, I know. I guess that kind of makes it fun though. I do know that I want to figure it out.

I guess at this point all I can do is wait for her to finish up her finals this week then we can hash it all out together. I just really don't want to screw this up. YAY for my worrying brain. Any suggestions are welcome though. And now, time to sleep and turn the worry off.

brain death imminent

So, I'm trying really hard to learn a lot of different things right now. Well, not really learn a lot of things, but I'm definitely working on a lot of things in my brain. I'm stressing through school, I'm actually trying to figure out how to install and run linux. I'm constantly debating about how to spend my school loan money, because there are a lot of things I want and a lot of things I need. I'm thinking now, as I'm typing this, that if I wrote out a list of what I need vs what I want to make my life easier, it would ease a lot of the tension in my head. YAY!

NEED:
spare computer running Linux
WANT:
Multiple computers for practicing with servers and networks

NEED:
LCD monitor(s) to ease the eye strain of staring at a computer all day
WANT:
Multi screen setups so I can have all my application windows spread out on the screen

NEED:
to focus on growing with God
WANT:
to just live life

So yeah. That's a bout where I am.

And I've just realized that some of my wants are provided already. Isn't God great?

This tool is amazing

	238
9
lab.drwicked.com

If you haven't heard of it, it's called Write or Die. It's the best thing ever to help you just write without caring what you say. It really makes you get ideas out of your head. Go check it out.

AAAARRRRRRGH!

my computer gots a virus. I don't know how to get rid of it. I'm thinking it stole a bunch of my personal information. Luckily my computer had a wired internet connection so I was able to disconnect it. It won't be able to do any more damage to my life outside of the computer now. I clicked one bad link and BOOM!

Oh well. Things will work out. I can still connect to get my homework done and turned in. And I can still do email and communicate with the world. But I can't do anything too major right now. No downloads, no uploads, no big projects that use space on the harddrive.

so yeah. That and I need a job. YAY!

Growing Up

I'm at a point where I need to seize initiation. I'm thinking that it's out there in the grand canyon. I'll be setting up an interview with a restaurant out there and I'm hoping that I get it and that it's what I need. I'm praying for a situation that will require me to grow but will also HELP me grow. Because God knows I need all the help I can get.

So I guess I'm asking for prayer in this from everyone that reads it.

Isaiah 26:3

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

That's awesome isn't it? I love that. I needed to hear that today. It's just another reminder to me that not only is God looking out for my needs, but He's there as the ultimate prize. That's what I got out of it anyway. So those are my quick thoughts. Thanks for reading. :D

I'm testing out sending a

I'm testing out sending a Blog in from my phone. Isn't that Spiffy?

Let's have A Adventure!

I've figured out that I'm gonna need to go find some adventure in order to grow up some more. I need to get away from "the nest". So, come friday, I'll be applying for a job that will provide just that. So if you would like to keep that in prayer for me, that would be awesome.

I've been reading a book lately(that reminds me that I need to update my book list) and this book is about becoming a man. It's written by a man, for men. It's pretty awesome. Anyhoo, I'm reading this book and it's really speaking to me. It's speaking to the boy inside that needs healing and growth. Or I should probably say, it's God speaking to me through the book.

So there's that, and I'm drawing again. Little by little, I'm drawing again. I'll be posting something up when I have something other than face sketches. I have a crazy plan to get the Everyday Sam story done by the end of the year. It's possible if I start working my butt off to do it. So yeah, I'm working on that. And when that one is over, I have a new story. And this one is even better than Everyday Sam, I think. It's definitely more complex in how I need to put it together. Plus I'm most likely going to be doing it with a partner so that the art doesn't suck. So we'll see where that one goes. YAY!

And now I'm off to doodle some more and keep up my chops. I know I can really get better if I just DRAW.

searching....

for another job. I need another job because this one I'm at is.......killing me. I die a little every time I have to go in there. I've tried to just grin and bear it, but that's usually when the task masters come with their whips. I don't respond well to whips. In fact, I almost punched my boss in the face the other day. Luckily I've developed some self control over the years.

I also started school a couple weeks ago. It's going pretty good. I've stayed on track with all of my assignments so far. YAY! Taking it one day at a time is really helping me. Plus I usually get myself a couple days or work done in one day. I figure I may as well since I have the time for it. And next March, I'll have my Associate of the Arts degree in Information Technology. Hopefully I'll be able to get a much better job then.

I got a gig building some computers for a guy. I was pretty stoked about that. I should be getting the check this week to buy the materials and start building them. And landing this gig gave me the idea that I could totally be a custom computer builder for people in this area. It's a service that no one offers. So I figure, putting an ad out there won't hurt my chances. And I didn't have to pay for the ad so......yeah.

And....that's life for right now.

Get down on it

So, I'm in california packing up my room. I don't have much time to type.

I should be packing my room up but I keep getting distracted by the plans I have made for today. I don't know why but I keep getting nervous. YAY! I haven't eaten anyting yet today and I'm hungry, but my stomach tells me not to eat every time I'm thinking about it. It's all knotted up. Boo to that.

I've been listening to good music today while I"m packing but the play list I have on is full of slow, slightly depressing music and I think that's why I'm in this funk. I'm gonna go put on some upbeat stuffs as soon as I post this. And that would be now. YAY!

I'll talk at yall later.