sleepy sam types totes

I don't really mean anything by saying "totes" in the title. I was just trying to think of something that started with t and that was all that came to mind at the moment.

Why am I typing? I should be asleep. I have to be working in less than 11 hours.

So, I've been thinking about all sorts of things and how to work them all out. I've got a lot of books that I need to read. Four that I can think of off the top of my head. And I have to learn Finnish. I started that yesterday. And it's not going to be easy. It's a language that is like nothing I've ever experienced. But I think that I'll be able to get a few people together to learn it so that we'll be able to help each other with it. that'll help it move along a bit better. I don't think that weather and culture will be big obstacles, but language could be. And I've got four months to get it down. I can do it.

How will I relate to those people? I really don't know how I'll do it. I guess I'll figure it out when I get there. Because I don't know what they'll be into. I don't know what strikes their fancy. And I won't know this stuff until I'm there and I SEE where they're at and what they're doing. At that point, I'll be able to figure it out though. So I don't need to stress about any of this stuff. My big thing that I use is movies and other shows that I've seen. I use scenes out of these to draw comparisons in order to relay my meaning when I'm talking. I don't know. it'll work itself out. I need to go to sleep. good night everybody.

I'm back at pipeline

when I first started at pipeline we started a semi-tradition of writing down funny things that we said while in the soundbooth. I called this weekly segment on my MySpace account "Soundbooth Sentences". Then I left for a while and it stopped. Now that I'm back, we'll continue with the funnies. Only this time I'll be posting to my blog so that even more people can enjoy it. YAY! And with out further adiue, I present this week's Soundbooth Sentances.....


We don't condone violence inside the theater. Only outside. So take her outside and then throw the bottle at her.

I want to be an elf.

Is he gonna blowtorch the bird?

Am I allowed to watch this? Yes....I think. WAIT! DON'T LOOK!

Pick the red one. What? The SKULL!

Grab your freaking bell!

so I'm back at pipeline

girls
sex
food
God
Friends
Missions Trips
Good times
bad times
work

These are the subjects that swirl in my head fairly constantly lately. Well, some of them just got added because they happened today, but we'll get to that later. First, the quick and easy ones. I've REALLY been craving ice cream lately. And I've been really horny for the past week or so. I'm not entirely sure why either of these are an issue, but they are.

I've really been trying to grow my relationship with God. I've been reading lots of books lately to help with this.

Free flow:
I wonder if I'll make any lasting friendships on the missions trip. I also wonder if I'll meet anyone in Finland that I'll keep in touch with after I leave. I miss her whenever she pops in my head. Most of the time I'm distracted by other things but when she pops in, she stays for a while. And then there's the other one that I really wish would leave me alone but doesn't. I wouldn't mind it if she wasn't always so whiny about everything, but MAN it gets annoying. I looked at (omitted name)'s butt tonight. I was doing something on the ground and looked up and there it was. And I stared for a couple seconds. I really don't know why this particular instance is sticking because it happens to me all the time, but it struck me for some reason. Maybe it's the horny issue.It could also be the oath I've made for the coming year. I've vowed not to get involved in any sort of relationship with anyone of the female persuasion until new years next year. So yeah. I'm really excited about the mission trip. I'm going to Finland in the spring. MAN. That's crazy for me to think about. The farthest I've ever been from Riverside is Butte, Montana. and really I didn't go there. We were just passing through. I need a passport. I'll have to get one asap. Man, I can't help but think about the possibility of meeting a girl there. I know that I'll meet a bunch of people male and female, but A girl, ya know. I can't dwell on these things though. That is totally NOT the reason for going. The reason for going is to spread the love. Share the love that God has shown me to other people. man. Ten days. I feel as though I should start learning Finnish. OR, ya know, what ever it is that they speak in Finland. We'll be working with college age people so they'll be able to help me along with the learning and they'll probably be eager to help me out because they'll see that I've made effort on my end to meet with them. And now I'm tired. So I'm going to go to bed.

my gift is my song

so we talked about spiritual gifts today at church. I'm probably not gifted in song, but I'm okay with that. But the ones I know I have and the ones I think I have I'm okay with. I know that I have the gift of helps because I help a lot. I have the desire to help and the ability to help and everyone always appreciates my help. I'm fairly certain that I have the gift of faith, because when he was talking about it it blew my face off. And I have the some of the tendencies that he mentioned would go with it. And Neal said that he could see that in me. And finally, I think I might have the knowledge/wisdom gift. I might not, but I might. I think I might have the leadership gift too. I don't know though. So I'll be testing all these things in the near future and see where it goes. And now I must sleep. good night all.

All the mistakes one life can take

Sitting and thinking. I've been avoiding it lately, in case no one has noticed. This is not a good thing for me. If I don't take time to sit and just think and let my mind wander a bit, then I start to not feel good. It's the same thing that happens to active people if they don't do anything active for a few weeks. Only it's all in my head. So, yeah...

So, I've decided to put a mind dump out there. YAY! I know you all look forward to these.

So, why is it that when I really don't want it to happen, a bunch of girls invade my life and make it all confusing for me? Off the top of my head, I can think of five girls that are in my life that make it a whirlwind of crazy for me. A few of them, I know that it's just pure physical attraction. But knowing this doesn't seem to help me much. Possibly because I've been really horny lately. And this leads to daily morningwood which makes it harder. Maybe getting up and doing sit ups every day would help. I should try it.

And then, behind all this, constantly pulling my brain strings, is HER. I haven't seen her in almost three months. I still wonder what her real reasons were. I still regret doing what I did. I still wish she was around. But all of these things are like staticky radio. Sometimes it's loud and clear; other times it's so fuzzy that you can't even make it out. And I want it to stay loud and clear all the time. And I can't help but wonder if this is God testing my fickle nature to make sure that I'm not fickle when it comes to the woman that He decides to give me. And that leads to, "Is she the one, or is she just a tester?" It's not very fun. But, I have to give it up to Him daily and trust that His plan for everything is best. Of course, that doesn't make it any easier. If anything, it makes it harder.

....TITLE...

So, it's 2am and I'm tired. But I'm still awake because I allowed myself to be distracted by youtube. I had decided way earlier that I was going to blog something, so I'm actually going to stick with that decision and blog.

What shall I blog about? I've been really depressed the past couple weeks. I just recently got through that. And why was Sam depressed? A girl. Boo. Oh well. it's how I'm wired I guess. Anyhoo, I'm through that now and I'm glad for it. I'm thinking that it was a good thing to go through because now I'm thinking about it and what it made me go through mentally and spiritually. I've developed my abilities somewhat because of it. So now, as I sit and think, I'm not just thinking about my issues, but also how I can use my slightly more honed abilities for the work of the Kingdom. I still don't know how. So I pray for that to be revealed in time.

I'm in a mopey mood right now. Not really depressed, but I just feel like sitting and brooding over my thoughts as I listen to slow, depressed music. Odd, no? Anyhoo, I'm like that sometimes. This is normal brooding, not depressed brooding. YAY! Praise be to God for giving me the ability to recognize these things about myself. And sometimes others.

I'm really torn right now. If I move into the kitchen, I'll get valuable experience with food working but I'll be making way less money. If I stay in my current bussing position, I'll be able to save up faster but I'll be getting ZERO practice with my culinary skills. And normally I'd say that money isn't that important, but now that I have big bills and an ambitious plan to buy a building for my restaurant, money is looking more and more friendly. GAH! And it's really nice to have some money when I'm so used to not having any. Anyhoo, that's where I'm at. Now I must sleep. Goodnight/morning.

Oh, and in case you're interested, here are a couple of the youtube videos that distracted me. I rather liked them. The first one looks kind of sketchy, but it's not really. I promise.

reflections on the week

So, this past sunday was about loving people. It was about going through crap and dealing with people's inadequacies (including your own) so that we might all stay united and in Christ's love together. I bring all this up because I've been seeing this all week. I'm seeing crap happen and people dealing with it in loving ways.

One, I made a stupid mistake with a friend and that friend was willing to open a line of communication back up so that we (I) can work it all out. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I'm fairly confident that we can get through it.

Two, my torn loyalties were forgiven when my small group prayed for me on thursday even though I skipped group. I still thank God for that

Three, I saw another friend hurt her boyfriend bad and he was able to deal and still help her through her own troubles.

My mind keeps going back to that shark attack story that Matt told us. And how that guy swam back out into those bloody waters to save his friend. And then I started reading Job and the same thing happens. After Job loses everything, his friends come to him and sit with him in the ashes and help him out. We all have points where we are Job. We are the guy getting attacked by the shark. But we must also have points where we are the friends that risk it all to help out our brothers and sisters. I'm trying to be that friend. It's hard for me. Really hard.

Pieces of a Broken Mind

There are few people I miss. I'm the "out of sight, out of mind" type of guy. But when something triggers a memory, I'm flooded with thoughts and emotions and sometimes it's hard to recover from a hit. When I find myself in a situation like that, I've found it to be a good idea to pray. I was praying all the way to work the other day. I'm rather surprised that I didn't crash.

I think God is currently working on my emotions. He's altered my mind quite a bit from what it used to be. Now I think He's working on my heart, thus fortifying my mind. Whether I'm right or not, I don't know, but that's what I think. I do know that He's constantly giving me reminders that my life is in HIS hands and not my own. But I've been feeling more lately. In the way that vocal exercises stretch out your vocal chords to give you a bigger range, I feel that God is giving me emotional exercises. That sounds really odd when you say it out loud. Oh well.

Forgiveness is a good thing. The peace that comes with it is quite amazing. I'm still wondering if I should ask the question or not. And right after I typed that sentence, I got the sense that I should. I should pray about it some though, for it can produce grave consequences if I go about it the wrong way. and, oddly enough, had I started with prayer, none of this would've happened. It makes me feel like a complete idiot.

And with that I go to pray. Goodnight all.

Inner Universe

I spend a lot of time in my head. This is not new news. And this, coupled with my natural tendencies to clam up and isolate myself can really bring me to horrible places. But I'm working on this. I've been being a lot more open lately and I'm hoping the trend continues.

That being said, I also know that I DO need my times with out anyone else around. I need times of silence in dark rooms. I NEED times like this. But I can't allow myself to slip into a lifestyle of lonely, dark rooms. It's a fine line of balance that needs to be met, but with God on my side, I know that the balance will be achieved. And with those two points stated, I dive into my current obsessive thoughts.....

Why is it that they always fall off the map? They literally disappear. I make one mistake (albeit a pretty big one) and they're gone. I'm human and I screw up. Why is it that people have trouble when I make a mistake but I can usually move on rather quickly? Of course, I assume they're having issues with moving on but I don't really know. They're GONE. Anyway....If I continue with this topic I'll just start going in circles.

I've been sensing attacks lately. They're very subtle and I probably wouldn't even give them a second glance if I didn't know that Satan worked this way. The paragraph above this one is a good example. I do something wrong and I know that I shouldn't have done it. Then all these issues come up about ruining my future because of these mistakes. I often audibly correct myself because the pressure of these thoughts gets so big. Something to help is to choose to give things up to God as each issue presents itself. It's a good practice to have and I intend on taking it up from here on out.

I'm getting along with the people at work. and I've been invited to hang out with them. I'm really thinking that I should. I'm going to try. The question I have is whether or not to drink if the issue comes up. Because there's the bit about not being "holier than thou" but also I need to present a Godly image. I most definitely can't get totally "effed up". Perhaps if I set my limit to one drink each time we hang out. I don't know. It's something that I really need to pray about and seek God for.

The power of "with". It's amazing. When we work together, we are definitely more than the sum of our parts. We need to get on it people. And I do stress WE.

Thank you SCU. I wasn't there, but I'm fairly certain that you guys did that last night. So thank you. I hope and pray that we can start a trend.

You ever feel a bit like Paul? I do sometimes. Oh well. Toodles y'all.

[insert witty title here]

So, blogs, being what they are, give birth to many sorts of thoughts and ideas. And these thoughts and ideas are all presented in slightly different ways depending on a person's background and their current circumstances.

Some people just use their blogs as journals about their lives and what's going on. Other people use their blogs as a platform for putting their thoughts out there for the world to see. Some are used for advertising products and some are used for people to share their creative-ness. On the surface, mine probably appears to be one of those "here's my life" blogs, when it is, in fact, an outlet that lets me unpack my brain and then repack it in a better order. It helps me organize my thoughts on things.

Over the years I've developed a style that allows me to get into serious issues I have with people and work through it without letting anyone know who I'm talking about. I think that this is a good thing and will continue this trend. But lately, I haven't really been writing about everything that's on my mind, and I'm not even sure why this is. Part of it could be because I always get home late from work and I'm uber tired. But, then, that's not really the reason. the real reason would be because I've found things to distract my brain with. Some people might say that this is okay and there's nothing wrong with it. But it's not okay. I'm supposed to think. I'm supposed to run things over and over in my mind. I'm supposed to look at things from all sorts of different angles to try and perceive all possibilities. This is especially true when it comes to things that I read in the bible. But I don't do this with what I read. I do this with other things that happen in my life, but not with my reading. So I need to start that. I really need to start journaling what I read. I was doing it for a while and it was good. There's something about writing stuff down rather than just thinking it over in your head. It creates a permanence that thoughts need in order to become something more than thoughts.

And now it's 2:30am and I'm tired, so I'm going to bed. Goodnight all. Have fun.

Why am I still awake?

I only got about an hour of sleep last night and here I am still awake at 3am. Odd, how things like this can happen. I'm not even feeling very tired either. This could possibly be because I went to the movies tonight. I saw Stardust. It's a good movie. I can't think of anyone I know that wouldn't like this movie. They might all end up liking it for different reasons, but I'm sure that they'd all like it. I cried a little. YAY! Go see it. It's a good'n'.

So, I spent all day trying to take care of my ID. I didn't get to work at all. I barely was able to get to the place before they closed so that I could get my new one. So, that's two days that I haven't worked this week. It sucks really. Oh well. As long as I don't get fired, I'll be able to make up for it. So I pray that I don't get fired.

I walked out of church sunday night in a bit of huff, thus worrying a bunch of people. No worries though. That got worked out and that situation is better now. I now know that I should start my quest through the Bible. Cover to cover. If it takes me three years, then it takes me three years, but I'll get through it. The only thing there is to do is start. I honestly don't know why I haven't started yet. I'm probably subconsciously running away from it. I just need to jump in.

And now I'm going to go sleep for a few hours before I have to get up for work. Goodnight all.

Hangovers and lost I.D.s

So I'm sitting at home currently wondering where my friggin ID is. Oddly, though, I'm kind of glad it's lost because it means I can't go to work until I get a new one. I'm sure that sounds horrible to some people. But I need a job, so I'll go back to DLand today and get a new ID so that I can finish my shift up for today and be set for the rest of my time there. I have no idea where it could've gone off to. Oh well.

It's hard to wait for something that seems to be non-existent. And then, when it's in sight, the odds stack up so high against me that I nearly lose the will to keep going for it. It's these times that I feel like being a hermit would be a good idea. Maybe that's why I don't really care about my job at all right now. HUZZAH! Classic signs of depression setting in. Oh well. I'll get through it. I've done it before.

I know that the elation is hardwired into us by God. And thus, when the source is not there anymore, we naturally fall into a slight funk. This is when turning to God is a very good idea. This is also a good time to turn to friends. Even if you really don't want to. So, friends, I turn to you now and ask for support and prayer. Some of you will know the reasons and some of you will not. Some of you will be able to guess the reasons even if details are lacking. Some of you will be so completely clueless about what I'm saying that the only thing you might be able to pray is "God, help Sam with his thingy." And that's okay. I still love ya.

And now I must be going. The ETA I gave them was about an hour ago. :D Anyhoo, have fun y'all.

tired, yet fully awake

So, this past week, I've been stuck at home doing a whole lot of nothing because my feet were messed up and I couldn't go to work. At this point, I have such a bad case of cabin fever that I'm ready to drive myself somewhere and risk getting my feet messed up some more. Their almost done healing and I should be ready to go back to work by monday, but DUDE. I need to get out of the house.

I just ate some potato and I think it's upsetting my stomach. I shall lay off the spuds for a few days. I had some delicious pork for dinner though. MMMMM.....and I felt a lot better after eating it. I'll be eating some more chicken noodle soup tomorrow though. It should get me through the day. I really wish I could go somewhere though. But A) I need a place to go and B) I need a way to get there that won't put my feet in danger of breaking out like that again. If y'all get any ideas that might help me, feel free to give me a call.

I should probably go try to sleep. Sleep will be good for me and my feet. Good night all.


P.S.

I added a new list over there on the side. This list will consist of sites that I've found that I feel are worth mentioning and recommending to people. The first addition to the list, Balboa Photography, is something that I feel no qualms about sharing. This guy is good. He's got a real eye for it and a good deal of experience to go with it. Plus he's a rather anal guy so your not gonna get your pictures unless they're really good. So if you're looking for someone to take really good pictures of something, then check out Balboa Photography.

I had to share this

The Stand

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

So, I was reading through my blogs and saw this up on Los' blog. This song is quite the amazing thing. It always seems to cross my path when I really need to hear what it's saying. All I am belongs to God. That is what I strive for every day. Well, almost every day. It's hard to do and I can't do it on my own.

And now my upset belly compels me to leave. OY. What a week.

alone and on downers

the past few days have been very surreal to me. I think it's all the benedryl I've been taking.

I'll be home all week this week, trying to get rid of this stuff on my feet. I missed church. I probably should've just gone. I really wish I could've gone hiking yesterday. And it's gonna be weird not going to work all week. I can feel cabin fever setting in already. This could be bad. I'd say that this cabin fever is being caused by much pent up energy. And this very well could be the case. But I'm also soooooo lethargic right now, that I can't really imagine doing much other that sitting and staring at other people that might be in the room. Of course, once I got around other people, I'd probably get more energy and have an easier time interacting with others. I don't know.

I'm really gonna try and make it to small group tomorrow. Something inside tells me I really need to go. Something inside also tells me that I really need to read my bible. Which I'll do as soon as I put this thing up.

My foot isn't oozing as much as it was the other day. I'm taking this as a good sign. And it doesn't really look like death or the plague anymore. It just looks like a severe burn. I am also taking this as a good sign. And if things go all according to schedule, then this thing should be cleared out by friday or saturday. Let's hope they do.

And now I'm off. I'll talk at you all later.

my foot

it's hideous. it looks like death mixed with orange aid. And it very much reminds me of what I used to get on my face. I haven't gotten the deal on my face in a couple years now, but my foot looks exactly like what my face used to look like. So my guess is that my allergic reaction to oleanders has moved yet again. isn't that exciting? I figured I'd be able to write more, but as I'm sitting here, I can feel it flaring up again. It's time for more benedryl. YAY! And then I'll probably go to sleep. So, good night my friends. Sleep well.

I'm Hungry

I figured out why I haven't become the superhero I wish to be. I'm still hiding myself behind the boxes to block myself from the pain. I haven't fully trusted in Jesus' ability to take those from me and be my shield. Trust is such a small word for such a big concept. It's so hard to build and so easy to break. I need to offer up my cynicism to God so that He can get rid of it for me. That's really hard to do. But God's got my back, so I know I'll get through this. Just like everything else. It's just one more hurdle in the race. Praise be to the Wonderful Councilor.

Work

So, I worked really really really hard for a couple days. I did two doubles in a row.

For those of you that don't know, a double is when you go to work for a day shift and then stay to do a night shift on the same day. So, on all four of those shifts I busted my hump like there was no tomorrow. It paid off nicely though. $122 on the first day and $130 on the second day.....in tips.

So, yeah. I was pretty pumped about that. God is awesome. He gave me the energy and the stamina to pull that off. Proof that I'll be taken care of, right there. So I thought I'd just share the good news with everyone. Prayers are being answered and then some. Thank you all. And Thank you God.

OH! And another up note, my truck always starts. It may not always start on the first turn of the key, but it always starts. YAY! Yet MORE proof that God is awesome and He's taking care of me. So, spread the word that God is good and share what He's done in your life lately.

so, what to do.....

My tired brain has a whirling dervish of thoughts right now. I sort of regret going to the movies because I lost all that time that I could've used to deal with these things in my head and I could be in bed already. But I don't really regret it because it was a good thing to hang out with Daniel. We were able to talk after the movie about various things. And that was good.

Then on my way home, I started thinking about the sermon tonight. And I came to the conclusion that the main point was to let people in and love them. That is what we are called to do as a church. It doesn't matter who they are or what they've done. And it doesn't even matter if they NEVER choose to accept Christ. We are called to love them. Now, we should pray for them that they would accept Christ and even talk with them about it if we're led, but we need to love them no matter what. It also helped me out. I know how to answer some questions now. YAY!

I'm going hiking tomorrow. I'm rather excited. I enjoy hiking. I'll need to find a hiking stick though. I have something that might work, but I'm really not sure if I should actually try to use it. Because, if it doesn't work, It's gonna be a terrible experience. I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. I kind of wish I could take pictures and show you guys what I'm talking about. Oh well. I guess you'll have to use your imaginations. I will tell you that it's a piece of a broken lamp. Not that that would help you visualize it. Oh well. I'm just getting stuff off my brain right now anyway.

I have to go back to the court house tomorrow as well so that I can finish off this ticket business. Plus I need to call some people at my culinary school and see what they want. I have an idea, but I'm not 100% sure. I also need to finish up a personal project by thursday night. If I don't set a deadline for myself, it'll never get done.

Then there's the standard issues. YAY! You could probably guess what those are if you've been reading this for the past month or so. but for those of you that might be new, a brief recap:
girls & money.

And with that, I bid you all farewell. I need sleep and I need it badly.

Best Day Ever?

So, something amazing happened to me today. I was totally on my game and pulled off some awesomeness at work today. And I was able to do this with four on the floor.
I busted my butt today and came out of work feeling very tired yet fulfilled. Then I got tipped out. The grand total: $85 ! I'm, like, set for the entire week just about with that much money. God is awesome. If it wasn't for His help, this wouldn't be possible. And, God willing, I'll be getting more tips over the next few days. And that'll REALLY set me up. So, I just had to share my GREAT news with everyone. Have fun y'all.

health

So a couple weeks ago, we talked about healthy eating and fitness. And this week we talked about stress and letting go of things. If we add to that studying up on our scripture, then we have a picture of total "fit and ready"-ness.

Last night at church, it was made clear to me that I need to let go of my stresses here on earth and pick up a harness of God's power. That might sound odd to some of you. And when that was revealed to me, I was like, "WHAT?! HOW?!" Then the next piece came. Pray for people. Then I was like, "OOOOOHHHHHH!" So I need to pray for people and not worry about my own issues, pretty much. I mean, I'll have to take care of immediate threats, of course, but things I can't really do anything about, those things I need to let go. As well as a lot of desires that I have. I have to learn to deny myself even more. So we'll see how that turns out. And of course, as I'm typing this, all these things that are coming up fast are really making me worry a bit. They'll get taken care of, but still.........they're pretty serious issues. Anyway, I gotta go sleep.

it's dark in here

So, I'm sitting in the gym and the lights are off. It creates a very contemplative mood for me.

I had lunch with some guys from church and we had some nice discussion about girls and whatnot. I dunno. I don't really have much to say right now, I just feel relaxed and contemplative.

I wanted to take a nap, but by the time I got to a place where I could, I didn't really have the time. Oh well. Such is life.

So two thoughts simultaneously struck my brain. One, Why are there so many attractive girls? Two, is God's love enough for me? "Do you like sushi?" AHAHAHAHAHA

I really need to start trusting in God and giving him my burdens. I've been sort of working on that lately. But I've still a long way to go in that department. Some times I wish it could just be done. Then there's other times where the adventure of life and all it's troubles are fun. I dunno.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Life certainly is funny.

I should be asleep

But I had a thought and an urge to share it.

I was listening to a song on the radio and there was a line about covering up something with makeup. That line reminded me of a person I met my sophomore year of high school. I don't remember her name, but I do remember that she was an exchange student. From Malaysia, I believe. I remembered that she always had her entire face covered with makeup. I asked her once why she always had all that makeup on, and she told me that in her country it was normal and expected of her. She was really short too. The top of her head was just below my armpit level. And she came to school once in a traditional dress that looked really awesome.

She was a fun person. Always upbeat. Always ready to laugh and joke. I miss her. I'm sure she gave me contact information before she left, and I'm equally sure that I lost it soon after.


And there's my random thought for the day. I'm off to bed now.

confusion and clarity all at once....

In all the stories about near death experiences I've heard, there has been one common factor. The moment where the person's entire existence is summed up in the phrase "this is it". Sometimes I think of this and become a bit jealous. I mean, for those people at those times, there wasn't anything complex about life. There weren't any bills, there wasn't any drama. There's no worries, except possibly the worry about whether it'll be painful or not. I wish my life were that simple. If there was only one thing for me to worry about like that, then I think I'd be much more content. But putting that random thought aside....

I was at Anime Expo this past weekend. There wasn't a lot that really happened in my life while I was there, but it felt like a lot. that seems to always be the case for me. Oh well. It started out really crappy. Then, after a day of working, I realized I hadn't eaten for about 14 hours. I dropped what I was doing and went to get some food. On the way to get some food, I walked through artists' alley. I was so grateful that I did that. I rediscovered at that time why I signed up for this. It was at that time, that I felt what I hadn't felt since I got there. The air changed. The atmosphere was there. The commonality of EVERYONE THERE was made completely apparent to me. They all had different opinions on just about every issue you could possibly think of, but they all had an intense interest in anime. Thus they all banded together to celebrate the joys that it brought to their lives. Sure they laughed at each other and threw insults here and there, but what group doesn't do that?

And this weekend also helped me get over something. I thought I was over it, but now I know for sure. Thank God for DDR. And I really mean that. I didn't really get to hang out with my friends and much as I wanted to, but I got to make some new friends so that was a good thing. perhaps next year I'll get to see them more. It's almost comical how much Staff Services, collectively, used the phrase "fuck it". There had to have been a time where in a span of 1 minute, I used that phase at least six times. And each time was for a completely different reason. And the first time I used it made my weekend soooo much better. It really did. I was able to relax and enjoy myself after that. Thank God Jack was there. I've really got to retain that lesson. It will make life so much more enjoyable. And it's biblical. Don't worry about things out of your control. Paul says that somewhere. Do what you can do, then give the rest of it up to God. So, just a lesson I learned from someone that doesn't go to church often, if at all.

So I was able to have fun at AX this year despite:
crappy location
BIG last minute changes
HORRIBLE traffic
awkward situations

I must have drank at least five Rockstars over the weekend. That's saying a lot considering I don't drink energy drinks. I know I lost some weight over the weekend too.

Now I'm back in my life here and have to think about bills and all that stuff. I have no idea how i'm going to afford everything I need to pay for. But I will. I can trust in God. And in this moment, Yoda's words come to mind: "No. Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." Why does this come to mind? Because, if you think about it, you either trust God, or you don't. There's really nothing in between. So I'm trusting God. It's really all I CAN do at the moment. YAY! Simplicity. I like it! :D

Love

I think I'm starting to finally understand it. I'm finally starting to see what it is. I've been trying to figure it out for years, and I think my brain is finally starting to wrap around it. I said "finally starting" three times in the last three sentances. Oh well.

God is Love. Therefore, if I know Love, I know God. And I'd really like to know God as well as I possibly could. As part of my growing process to know God, I've been praising Him a lot more lately. And I've been giving Him credit for a lot more than I have in the past. I think that I'm back on track in my journey for the moment. I hope I can stay this way for a long time.

wow...it's been a while....

so, I'm sitting at home, the sun is still up, and I'm not dead tired. It's been a few weeks since I've been in this situation. I figure I'll use this opportunity to post up some info, thoughts, muses, etc.

I was talking with a friend the other day and he gave me the greatest idea ever. Write down what I'm looking for in a woman. I've heard this idea before, but I don't know why it didn't stick before. So, I started and the person I'm looking for is becoming a bit more specific now. I've never been in a situation where I really knew what I was looking for. It's kind of nice to even start approaching that.

And now to add the seemingly contradictory part of my post. I'm getting closer and closer to accepting that God might call me to a life of singlehood. I got hit with that a few months ago, and again a few days ago. I know that I need to get to a point where I can accept that lifestyle, but I don't know if I'm actually called to that lifestyle yet. Isn't that spiffy? I think so.

I've also been trying something else that's rather new to me. I'm giving things up to God. And when I say "things" I mean everything. And I do mean everything. Females, language, money, cars, traffic, job, friends. I'm not gonna try and shoulder all of it anymore. So far, I'm doing okay I guess. I just gotta use my faith and trust that God can handle everything. I know in my head that he can, but my heart is a different story.

I've been reading Joshua the past few weeks. I'm liking it. It's helping me through some of this stuff. Today, as I was reading, a new thing was added to my list of things to offer up to God to take away. I've been getting increasingly judgemental the past few weeks, so I offered that up to Him. It's pretty much a story, but I'm starting to see INTO the story now. I'm seeing how I can learn from the situations that the Isrealites find themselves in. And applications for it are being revealed to me. It's pretty sweet. God is awesome like that.

And that's another thing that I realized the other day. I haven't been giving God the credit He deserves. Like, yesterday, I got a SUPER SWEET parking place in the parking lot. And then I got another one today. But I didn't realize until I was parked today that I shouldn't just say I was lucky. I should be saying that God blessed me with that sweet spot. I've said pretty much my whole life that I don't believe in luck, because I've known that God is in control of everything. So why have I been talking about luck lately? Maybe it's because people around me talk about it. I don't know. I just know I have to get away from that and start putting the credit where it belongs.

Then there's the whole thing that we should be praising God even when our life goes down the crapper, because He sent Jesus to die for our sins and we'll get to spend eternity with Him in heaven where there are no tears, there is no pain, there is no sorrow. I look at myself when I think about that though, and I see a six year old child that knows the christmas presents are in the closet. I know it's there, and I know I'm gonna get it, so I don't really think about being grateful for it, I'm just rather impatient to get it. When, in reality, I should be grateful that I know I'll be getting something, and I should show my gratefulness. So that's another thing that I'm trying to work on at the moment as well.

And, thus, my brain stops flowing. So I'll be off now. Have fun y'all.

who's interested?

so, life moves on and I continue my job. I'll be working a double tomorrow. That means more money for Sam, but also more work for Sam. I'll be VERY TIRED tomorrow night.

I'm still attempting to focus on God more and read, pray, and worship more. I think I'll continually get better with a few bad days here and there. Basically like every other aspect of my life. YAY!

I'm gettin' the hang of everything at work. I actually help people newer than me to learn things. YAY!

Deep thoughts: Sleep is good for you and that's why I'm off to do that. I'll talk at you all laters. :-D

Jack Hawkins Jr.

For those of you reading this on my Virb, make a quick hop over to my blog site and read this there.

So I just found out about Jack Hawkins Jr. This is a relative of our beloved Paige Hawkins from Pipeline. I don't know what the deal is, but appearantly Jack is having issues of some kind. I imagine they're health related issues. The family started a blog to let everyone know how he's doing and update us on the happenings. I suggest taking a look and praying for Jack and his family. I added a link to the blog over there on the left. "a word from the cockpit..." is the one to click on. Spread the word, bloggers. The more prayer, the better.

Where does this ocean go?

So, life moves and shifts. If you don't move and shift with it, you're in for a world of hurt. I believe that those nudges we get from God are there to help us with this. I needed to burn and she didn't want me to. That's an interesting thought.

But back to what I was saying. God gives us nudges, right? And, in my life at least, these nudges always come right before something happens that totally rocks my boat. I honestly believe that if I hadn't followed that little nudge I got before the most recent happenings, I would've capsized. And that's not a good thing. I could've recovered, but why recover when you can avoid? So I'm thankful that my thick skull was able to process God's will enough to avoid capsizing. But now that that crazy squall is over, I'm just sort of drifting. Well, not really drifting. I'm slowly moving in God's direction (I think) but it feels like nothing is happening, really. But this could be a good thing. It gives me time to rest and recover. So slow times are good. I enjoy it when I finally realize what it actually is. So I don't know where this ocean is going. But I don't have to know right now.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

That verse totally helped me through a bit of a tough spot on monday last week. And I believe that I will carry this verse with me for the rest of my life. So I'll leave you with that. Have fun y'all.

I'm Done

So, the drama in my life is done for now. I know that something new will crop up eventually, but for now, it's over. This has made me a happy guy.

I haven't had many thoughts lately on much of anything. This kind of bums me out. I like having deep thoughts on things. Perhaps it was all the drama. Perhaps it's the fact that I started a new job. Maybe it's my ever deepening longing for someone to share my life with. I don't know. It's probably a mix of all those and then some other things that I'm not even aware of.

I'll be missing the wedding of a family friend tomorrow. I have to learn about my truck engine and fix it. I'm kind of bummed that I'm not going because I haven't seen them in a few years, but at the same time, I'm glad because I don't have to watch them get married while I sit there wishing it was me. Or something like that. I dunno.

I feel like writing a poem or something. But at the same time, I'll feel a bit like a dork if I do. I dunno. I keep trping random thoughts that pop into my head until I make up my mind. Randon thought posts can be fun. Especially if you've got a lot of time to kill. Which I do, sort of. I should sleep, but I slept in kind of late so I'm not really tired enough to sleep. I have laundry to do. So I'm slowly working on that right now. I was gonna watch some anime while I did it, but then I got online and started checking the Space and all that, and I got inspired to blog. So now I'm randomly typing and I think it's time to go switch loads.......YEAH! only two more loads now. I was just aboutto start writing about some of the happenings at my job, but then I remembered the thing I signed that told me that everything that happened while I was on the job was the property of Disney. So no stories from my job. And that's too bad too, because I've got some REALLY good ones. Oh well.

I have a glass of water here, and it's very delicious to me. I am thoroughly enjoying each sip I take. The cool, wetness washing over my toungue, cascading down my esophagus and then finally settling in my belly. It's quite an experience. I highly encourage everyone to try it out. Just sit and live in these moments every now and then. Focus on these momentary pleasures. It'll only take a few seconds and you'll feel quite refreshed when it's over. A few places to do this: going to the bathroom, having a drink of water, aclimating to extreme temperature changes(i.e. going from hot outside to air-conditioned inside or other such happenings). So try it out. I think you'll be glad you did. I know I'm glad whenever I do it.

I'm not gonna write a poem anymore. I have nothing to write a poem about anyway. So, i'm off. I'll talk at all of you later.

Just a slice of life...

But first, the greatest short I have ever seen. And I'm not even exaggerating.


Whatch that before you read any further.





After watching that, I figured there were two ways of looking at the kiwi character. It's either foolish enough to throw it's life away, or it's brilliant enough to live it's dream. So often in life, those are the two opposing thoughts that are in our head. "Am I throwing it all away, or am I living my dream?" I say, live the dream. Why not?

When the truth is found to be lies
And all the joy within you dies
Don't you want somebody to love
Don't you need somebody to love
Wouldn't you want somebody to love
You better find somebody to love


For some reason, I feel that fits right now. I majorly pissed off a friend by doing something that I felt was needed for our relationship. And that's really all I got right now. I'm tired. Oh so tired.

Interesting....

So, I started looking at places to move to that are closer to work for me. Within ten minutes, I found three places that are ridiculously close to where I need to go for work. And they're pretty cheap, relatively speaking. So I'm gonna try and check those places out tomorrow after orientation. Let's hope they let me. And that I can find them. So we'll see how it goes tomorrow.

I said a few days ago that I needed to make a big move in my life. Then I got hired at Disneyland. And now I'm looking into moving out to Anaheim. It's all falling into place. Just like with culinary school. If the pattern continues, I'll be moving within the next couple weeks. Of course, if the pattern doesn't continue, I won't really be suprised either. We'll see.

Lord, grant me wisdom for my choices, strength against my struggles, faith against my doubts, and endurance in my trials. These are my requests that I lay before you boldly with a heart that's trying to be in the right place.

Pieces

You ever feel like you're holding a bunch of pieces of something, but you're not equipped to put them all together?

God, why is it that I see such similarities between myself and Major figures of the bible? Why is it that I know exactly what Paul is speaking of whenever he describes something about himself? Why is it that my name-sake's story and mine are the same? Why is it that everything David talks about is something that I talk about? Am I called to lead, as they were? Or is it all coincidence? And if I'm called to that, what am I supposed to lead? Who? All these questions, God, and yet, I know not to really worry about any of it.

I have a bunch of pieces right now. And I collect more on a near daily basis. I don't know what to do with all of them. But I'll figure it out. That's why God gave me this brain of mine. A brain that knows I probably can't do it all by myself. A brain that knows to seek out assistance. A brain that is always working on something.

I'm taking that job at Disneyland. A lot of things keep coming to mind that tell me I should look for something else. Things like money, driving, gas, time, etc. But when all that stuff clears out, during those brief moments where all those practicalities vanish, I have a deep peace about this job. So I'm taking it. No more thinking about it. If a thought comes up that suggests I should get a different job, I'm gonna say, "Nope. God put me here for some reason. I ain't leaving until I figure it out." Because I know he totally did. And I'll leave you tonight with this thought:

Some pieces you'll use. Some pieces you'll lose.
Just listen to God, and He'll help you choose.

what to do......

So, I'll be cleaning my kitchen tomorrow.  But after that, I don't really have anything to do for Thursday or Friday.  And I don't have money for gas to go anywhere.  Perhaps I'll go hardcore like I did a few weeks ago and read two books of the bible.  I dunno.  I do know that I need some serious God/Samuel time.

Typing out one's problems on a keyboard and posting to a web log such as this really seems sad sometimes.  But, at the same time there are some big benefits to it.  First, it can really help the author think things through and find more viable solutions to life situations that come up.  Second, it can really inspire some people to actually start working on their own issues.  It can also help them to start thinking about others even.  Third, it can really comfort some people that might read it and discover that they're not going through somthing alone.  All these examples I've pulled from my own experience.

I saw an interesting quote today.  "Don't have a mind so open that your brains fall out."   I thought that was amusing.  It's completely true.  So I'll leave you guys with that for tonight.  YAY!  Sam has a job now.

hoorah?

I got hired at disneyland. I don't know if I should be happy about that yet. I mean, it's a job, and I need a job, but there's definitely going to be issues I'll have to deal with while there.  And I can't share any of what goes on there with anyone because it's technically against the rules.  I don't think that'll stop me though.  I'm one for ranting if something really bugs me.  But you guys know this already.

Any idea I have while working is theirs.  That piece of intellectual property belongs to disney.  So I won't think too much while there.  YAY!  Like that'll happen.

I'm gonna leave now so that I don't say something that gets me fired before I even start.

tired and solemn

I don't know why my mood switched in such a way. I was sitting there listening to the sermon, and laughing at the funny parts. And at the end we did our ending prayer like we usually do. At the end of this prayer, I felt like I got hit in the chest with a baseball bat. All these things that I've ran into in my life started surfacing again. All these different people that I've met. All these desires that I've had. I've just got this feeling that I need to be doing more than I am. I don't know how to step it up though. I've a feeling I'll be moving soon though. How exactly I'll be moving, I don't know. But I can sense a big move coming up in my life. Or maybe it's just me realizing that I need to make a big move happen. I don't know. Hopefully something will happen this week. I sense that it can. If I assert myself and really focus on God.


Shell, shell
you are my friend.

Shell, shell
you are my end.

If I stay with you
I cannot grow.

For you don't know
where I should go.

Shell, shell
You've saved me from a lot of pain.

Shell, shell
you've kept me dry from all the rain

But rain is what
I need right now.

A cleansing torrent
upon my brow.

I know not where I will go
My faith is in His Power though

And with His love and guidance plenty
I shall become who I should be

Shell, shell
this is my vow.

Shell, shell
I leave you now.

Confession Time

I started playing a game at about 2am.  I just finished up about ten minutes ago.  So I played that game for 10 1/2 hours.  I didn't get up.  I didn't even move much in my chair.  Now, you don't have to tell me that was a stupid thing to do.  I know this already.

So now I'm deciding between sleep or a decent, workable schedule.  I figure I'll stay up and go for the decent workable schedule.  That means that I MUST stay awake until I go to bed for the evening.  And I'll need to go to bed early.

I wanna go to the beach tomorrow!  It's impossible for me to protray how much I want this to happen.  So i'm gonna try and make it happen.  If ya'll wanna go, call me.  And if you don't have my number and you want to go with me, I'm sorry.  We'll have to figure something out for the future.   Until then, have a good day.

Hunting and Comics

So I got inspired today to start working on my comic again.  I'm thinking that as soon as I'm done with this post, I'll finish drawing this next page.  I don't remember where my script book is, so I'll have to re-create most of the story for this arc.  I remember what the basic premise was and what the purpose was, but the rest is all kind of choppy and vague.

I'll be applying at a restaurant to be a waiter on monday.  I've been thinking that I should focus more on getting a job at a restaurant the past couple days.  Even if the job isn't in the kitchen, I should get a job in a restaurant.  So I'm gonna go around tomorrow to restaurants and apply.  Hopefully I'll find some that are actually hiring.

I'm done with the other aspects of my life right now.  I got so fed up the other day.  So don't bring it up if you see me.  Don't ask, don't pry.  I don't want to deal with it anymore.  I need a break.

If you see me and I seem cold and detached, I probably am.  So help me out a bit and warm up to me a bit.  Don't be harsh because that'll just drive me further.  Kind friends are very good things right now.

How much should I care?

I realize that I should care more about some things than others.  But right now, I'm on a dangerous slope.  If I'm not careful with my decisions here, I'll slip into not caring mode and be there for a while.  I don't want that to happen.  If  don't care, then things can turn ugly really fast.  I don't want things to turn ugly.

And I've upset a friend of mine, yet AGAIN.  I just thought I'd offer some advice that's given to us in the Bible, but perhaps I still have that dang plank stuck in my eye.  Most people would think you'd notice a plank coming out of your face, but I can be a rather dense person at times and it's possible that I'm completely oblivious to it.  and with that, I go to bed.  sleep is what Samuel needs most right now.

friends and formless thoughts

I've been running from everything all day today.  I'm not sure why I did this.  I knew all along that I would stop by the end of the day and come back to God, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Then I got a phone call.  It was a phone call from someone that I really didn't want to talk to.  Oddly enough, even while what she was saying was aggrevating me to the max, it still put a lot of things in perspective for me.  Gotta love life's little ironies.  I would've laughed if I hadn't been in such a foul mood.  God works in weird ways sometimes.

Tomorrow, I get up at seven.  I get clean, dressed, shaved, and then I go find work.  That is step one.  Step two, I don't know yet.  I figure it'll come to me when it's time to take it.  I lack the ability to plan things out.  Well, not really.  I can plan things out, but I'm not good at it.  When ever I make plans, things change thus nullifying my planned-out steps.  So, for me, I just live life one step at a time.  Some people say that's not smart, I should plan for my future.  To that, I say, I don't know the future, so I'll just live today and deal with the future when it gets here.  That's possibly why people don't want to hire me.  I look at everything as being so specific to each situation.  I can't make a general plan or statement about anything because generalities usually don't fit in my life.  I get the weird cases.  I get the one-in-a-million long shot situations.  And I get a lot of everyday stupid moments as well.  My brain is wired to work this way.  So I figure I'll write this down on some paper, laminate it, and take it with me to every interview I go to from now on.  This is a good idea.

holy.......

Deep thoughts tonight.  Some serious things to consider.  Seriously HEAVY things.  I'm not sure how much to put down.  I could just put it all down.  I always debate with myself about this.  Even though a while back I made a vow to put everything.  I guess I'll just make it blunt tonight.   I don't feel like using my brain to make it vague.

A) I've totally been cheating on God for the past week.  It makes me feel lower than dirt.  Pray for me please.

B) I've been issed yet another challenge.  Am I willing to give up my right to a wife?  I don't know if that's where my life is going, but it's a question that I definitely need to find the answer to.

C) I have a list of Females i my head.  And I periodically scroll through it.  This happens involuntarily.  It's rather insane.  So many beautiful smiles.

One is definitely out for good now, though.  So that's a bit of a plus.  Although, things can change.  I mean, lots of time will pass before I act on anything again.  There's so much to learn in this category of life.  So much to consider.  I wish my brain wasn't so tainted by all the crap I've put in there.  Maybe I should do a media fast.  And just stick to doing my email once a day.  I dunno.  I do know that it's all frustrating.  And why don't I put all this thoughtful energy into talking with God?  Why?

Then there's the fact that I need a frickin job.  Screw career.  I need cash flow.  I'm gonna try a place in the morning.  And there's a job fair that I'm going to on thursday.  And then there's something on the 19th that might pan out into something.  God I need something.  I know that you'll take care of me, but I don't see how right now and it's really frustrating to the point of draining my energies.

Then there's my book that I'm planning.  I should work on that in my spare time, too.  And I have a lot of spare time lately.  Maybe that's why I'm jobless.  I dunno.  Anyhoo, I'm gonna go to bed.  I'm tired.

The big W-H-Y?

I had a plan to write about all these questions that I have about life.  But as I started writing, only one remained in my head.  Why did I hurt me knee?  I mean, when I hurt it, I didn't do anything different from what I usually did in those situations.  All I did was squat down for a couple minutes and then stand back up.  So why did the cartilage rip?  I've entertained the idea that this is my thorn to keep me reliant on God.  I don't know if this is the case or if it's just an instance of "shit happens".  I'm really tired for some reason.  So I'm gonna go to bed.  I'm sure I'll rant about my knee in the future.  Laters.
Some amusement for you.

Life in the shallow end

So I woke up today and had some thoughts. I had thoughts about my job situation. I had thoughts about my relationships. I had thoughts about life in general. As I was lying in my bed thinking, a big idea floated to the top of everything else. That thought was very inviting and tempting. What if I just stopped caring about everything? What if I stopped trying to build deep, meaningful relationships with people? What if I stopped looking for a job and just moved myself out into the streets? What if I stopped trying to better myself as a human being and just got away from everything? I liked the idea. I really did. Then another one came up. That life would suck.

I mean, if I were to do all that, I wouldn't have any friends. I wouldn't get a chance to help people. I would never again get a sense of accomplishment. And I would probably stink really bad. So I threw the idea out. It's not worth it. So now I struggle on. But the struggle is worth it. The srtuggle bears friut. It may happen slowly, but stuff actually happens with the struggle. If you don't face it, nothing will ever happen. So I leave the shallow end and swim out to the deep end. I may not be the best of swimmers, but I can certainly accomplish more here than where my feet touch bottom.

Are you blogging this?

We all make use of Web2.0 on a daily basis and possibly aren't aware of it at all. Some of you who read this might wonder what Web2.0 is. To that I say, Wikipedia. Not only will you find the answer there, but it IS the answer. I just found it to be interesting. Plus there's a spiffy music video I found that explains it all. Enjoy.

Friends at last

I saw it coming yesterday.  And I had a feeling about it from the start.  But it's all good.  Things are worked out on that portion of life now.  YAY!

Now, what to do with the rest of me?  I send up my call, oh Lord.  And await your perfect answer.

I have some options now.   And which to choose is the big thing now.  Where to go?  What to do?  I talked with my dad this morning.  I have some places to check out tomorrow.  I'll go in and apply.  Then come home and look for some more.  But the talk with my dad opened up another option that's looking REALLY good right now.  If I were to join the air force, I could get assigned to kitchen work and never have to really worry about going to the lines.  I could serve my years and then get my degree with the GI Bill.  If I plan it right, I'd have my degree within 7 years of joining.  Now, is it worth it?  Is it God's will?  Would it be a smart decision for me to make?  These things I don't know.  So I'll be praying heavily on these topics in the weeks to come.  Something needs to happen though.  I have to start paying back my loans in a month.  So, yeah.  That's the major thing on my mind right now.  Why is it that these things really only start stressing me when the deadline is breathing down my neck?  I dunno.  Perhaps that's a good thing.  Good night.  I need to sleep.

Falsehood vs. not knowing

Forgiveness is the key.  Forgiveness of others.  Forgiveness of self.  Wanting a guilty feeling is not right.  Even in pain, that right must be given up.  When balance is achieved, life shifts.  The game is restarted.  The quest, set back.

I think I know the solution to my scenario.  I walk into the control room of the building.  And I give them my pot of curry.  Then I stay there to feed them while the person they kidnapped goes free.  That's one possability.  Another, I give them the curry and then leave with the hope that they set the captive free.  Nah.  Here's what can be done.  As I'm walking down the corridor, I pray that the captive is released with no harm done.  I can have faith that it will happen.  What happens to me doesn't matter much in the scenario.  Why is that?  I don't know.  I may never know.

As I'm typing, I'm starting to turn numb to all of this.  I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  It's probably a bad thing.  Or at least a sign of something bad that is happening.  I don't know.  My desire for hermit-ness is increasing.  Economics.  The art of choosing one thing over other things.  What's important?  What's needed?  What's wanted?  And now for the depression to set in.  Why am I so depressing when I type?  Perhaps it is because of this whole messy thing.  I really want to light the match and be done.  There's a metaphore there that I didn't fully intend.  Perhaps I did on a subconscious level.  I don't know.

On a lighter note, I actually have something to do with my life tomorrow.  I have six places to go and apply to.  Nothing is beneath me right now.  I'll take what ever I can.  I'll restock socks.  I'll clean toilets.  With my bare hands.  I had to do that once.  Once you get past the fact that it's a toilet, it's not bad at all.  I had a good poo yesterday.  It was glorious.  But I'm sure no one wants to hear about it.  Or read about it.  Or....whatever about it.  Why are people so put off when I tell them that I have to go to the bathroom?  I'm just saying where I'm going.  And if the situation is bad, then what I'll be doing there will come out.  Which shouldn't really matter at all, because we ALL do it.  So if I say I have to pee or poo, you shouldn't get grossed out or anything.  You'll have to do it at some point too.  And on that lighter note, I'll head out.  Peace Y'all.

I need to wake up in four hours

So this'll be short because I need to get a shower and go to sleep.  Life is........still insane right now.  I know a few things, but for the most part, it's still insane.  I want to jump in, but I can't.  If I do, it'll mess things up.  It'll cause fouls in a game that already has enough.  So I sit on the side.  I encourage.  I advise.  And although I want it to be for me, I know that I can't do it for me.  I have to do it for her.  So I must deny myself minute-by-minute.  It's hard.  It's tiring.  And sometimes it hurts.  But for the glory of God, all pain is nothing.  Sacrifice is nothing compared to His glory.  Therefore I press on, denying, encouraging, advising.  Glory to God in the highest.  Praise be to the Lord.

Glorious clarity!

So things are clear now, and I'm very glad that they are.  And I can deal with how it all ended up.  No regrets about what we went through.  None.  I'm a bit bummed about where we ended up, but I'm so glad that it's clear now.  My gladness about the clarity outweighs my bummed-ness by quite a lot.

It hit the fan

I feel like just making a list of words that fit the occasion.  But then no one would know what the heck I'm talking about.  So then I ask myself "how much detail should I put in here for the world to see?"  Then I remember something I promised  a while ago.  I would be real.  So the following takes place between Saterday, April 21, 2007 12:00pm and Thursday, April 26, 11:59pm.

I'm at the Anime Expo BBQ and not digging the music.  So, I pull the CD out and hand it to the person standing on my right.  I notice that it's a female, but that's about it.  I'm quite focused on finding better music.  I come back with my tunes and put 'em in and crank it.  WOOT!  Party time!  "Do I still need to hold this?"  OH!  No.  So I grab the CD from her and put it in a safe place.  "Hi!  I'm Sam.  Well, actually, I'm changing it up and accepting my real name now, so call me Samuel."  "I'm......"  I don't remember.  I continue hanging out at the grill smelling the glorious meat.  I get to finally eat some.  MMMMMMMMMM.   What?  A game?  I'm SO down with this.  What?  Oh.  It's a game to help us learn names.  Crap.  I'm gonna lose.  Oh well.  Let's see how long I can make it.  Oh.  It's that girl standing next to me.  "What's your name?"  "Megan."  Ah.  "and that is.......Chris.  OK."  "I'm Samuel.  And this guy is Sam, so we're gonna use that to help us win."  Dang, I gotta move because we're both Sam.  "BANG!"  Dang.  We're both out.  Oh well.  Time for more tunes and grub and talk.  So I go back to the grill area and switch the song because the grill master said it was too slow for grilling.  I had to agree.  I pull up a chair with some people and we talk about stuff I don't know too much about as is the usual.  I don't know how long I'm there.  I eat some more good food.  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.  What?  Dodge Ball?  I'm THERE!  So I head out to the field and there she is again.  "Hello.  You are...........Megan."  "Good job."  Oh.  They're picking team captains.  Okay.  Okay I'm on this team.  SCORE!  She's on my team.  A few good hits.  Eight games.  Sweet!  She's on my team each time.  WOW!  We didn't lose any games.  Why was on the winning team?  I dunno.  But it's cool.  "Wow.  You look like you got a nasty sunburn there on your neck."  "I think it's because I keep rubbing there."  "That could do it too."  Last game.  Sweet.  We win AGAIN.  Yeah.  Dang my knee hurts.  I sit and talk some more with some other people about stuff I don't know much about.  I get a drink.  I see her sitting at a table.  I go to sit across from her.  "I wouldn't sit there if I were you."  "Oh.  Yeah."  Sweet!  That means I'll sit by her.  So I sit and we have conversation.  I wish Derrick would leave.  I wish he wouldn't say that to her.  Candid Shot!  I get up for some reason.  I don't know.  Something to do with food I think.  Either that or orientation.  Blah de blah.  I intro myself.  "I feed you so be nice to me."  Blah de blah.  Swag time.  I jump in line right behind her.  "What's this line for?"  "I'm not sure."  "Oof.  I'm squished."  Nice.  But be careful.  Picture time.  There she is.  Let's get next to her.  Nice.  Time to go.  Where is she.  "bye bye Megan"  Hugs.  "Look me up on MySpace."  Drive home.  Thinking about someone else all the way there.  Get home.  Add her to my friends without really knowing why.  Go to bed.

Wake up EARLY.  Gotta be there early to set everything up and be ready on time for once.  Set up.  Check.  Show.  Free time.  MySpace.  Goof around.  New messege.  "I see you online."  Hmmm....what to do.....  Goof some more.  new messege.  "Call me you goof!"  Save number.  Dunno why.  Just in case, I guess.  Pipeline over.  Not hungry.  UGH.  donuts.  Go to gym.  Sleep.  Glorious sleep.  I wake up and I'm still not very hungry.  Oh.  Banana and muffin.  Perfect.  Church.  Friends.  Fun.  Chipotle.  Good times.  Plan a lunch for tuesday.  Sweet.  Go home.  Tired.  Get home and add her to all my messenger services.  Sign in.  Not on.  GO to bed.

Wake up.  Not much done.  Call from chick-fil-a.  SWEET!  Interview.  At four.  Get dressed.  go to interview and Chik-fil-a then to interview at Starbucks.  Score.  Wait.  neither seemed very hopeful.  Oh well. Move along.  Get home and eat something.  Get online and check the sites.  sign into messengers.  She's on.  "yo"  "hey"  Conversation ensues.  Some heavy conversation.  Some light conversation.  mostly heavy though.  "why are we talking on here when you have my number?"  "I don't know."  I log out and shut down and call her.  We talk.  A lot.  About a lot.  "What are you doing tomorrow night?"  "Nothing"  "Wanna go out?"  "Sure"  "Sweet"  Finish up.  Go to bed.

Wake up in time to be ready for lunch.  Change of plans.  I'm picking her up early.  Okay.  Rush to Ontario.  Wait to pick her up.  She gets in and we go.  We get there around three.  "hey guys.  sorry about that."  greg:"who's that?"  "a friend.  Maybe more.  I dunno."  Conversation at subway.  Lovely image of worms coming out of a porkchop.  Greg leaves.  Daniel leaves.  We leave.  I show her around town and point out some of my childhood landmarks.  We go to Castle Park and don't do much because it's mostly closed.  We do get a small souvenir though.  We head out and as I'm thinking about whether to do it or not, she grabs my hand.  I'm confused at first.  Then I roll with it.  We get back in my truck and sit and talk for a while.  When she notices my white socks, she let's me know I should get some black socks.  I tell her I know I should but haven't had much opportunity.  Then I remember that I have some gift cards for Target.  And Target is just down the street.  So I tell her we're going to Target.  And we go.  I get my socks.  "Pizza Hut...."  "Are you hungry?"  "Yes!"  "Okay, we'll go for food after this."   So we do.  Good food.  Good conversation.  We head out.  And then he comes up.  She's having issues in life and he is a part of them.  We talk about it.  I give her a hug.  And something happens.  I'm not sure what.  But it's big.  "It'll be okay.  God's will be done.  You'll be okay and it'll all work out."  Kiss on the cheek.  Nice.  Crazy.  Good?  I take her home and have some more intense conversation about the situation.  Leave with a hug.  go home.  Go to bed.

Wake up.  Finish putting presentation together.  Get ready and leave for the church offices.  I get there AT my appointment time.  I have to wait around a bit, but that's okay.  I go in with Pastor Neil and we sit and I start to tell him about Sandals Health Club.  it goes well.  And I'm very glad that I noticed the sign that said don't be redundant when talking with Neil.  It's a go.  I'm working on pulling people together right now, because I know it needs to be done.  It'll still be a while before it get's going, but I know it's going so I'm working on it.  After that, I go and get some lunch.  It's a really late lunch.  But it's ooooh so good.  I do some praying.  I do some reading of my bible.  I head off to help set up for wednesday night.  I get there at the same time as Justin and we start.  I tell him what's going on and how it's all confusing.  And  I don't get much input from him other than be careful and pray.  So we finish set up and I head off to pick her up.  We get there right as Justin is finishing up his speech about speech.(hahahahaha)  I go up with her to get her into a group.  I'm pretty much a jerk about the whole situation all night.  We do group.  We hang out.  We head off.  On the way home, we talk about us, about the fact that I was a jerk, and music and......  So we get back to her place and we park and sit for a while.  Conversation picks back up again.  A challenge is issued.  And I accept.  She cries.  I hold her.  Then I get this inkling.  This notion.  I ask for the will of God in all this.  I get it again.  I question God about it.  It comes back nearly audible.  One last time I ask for God's will.  "I told you"  So a kiss.  Sweet.  Short.  Leading to some more.  No hands grabbing.  No grinding.  Just the kiss.  "I can still remember just the way you taste."  Why?  I felt led to.  Why would this be a leading?  I don't know.  I'll ask God when I meet him face to face.  Until then, all I have is my belief that I was led by the spirit.  So we finish off the conversation with my promise to get a battering ram.  "I know where I can get a big one.  I figure since God made the universe, He could supply me with a pretty good one."  I leave and go home.  Go to bed.

 I wake up with a phone call from Megan.  And we talk for a bit.  Then we move it to AIM because it's easier to talk with people there while you check your email rather than holding a phone.  so while there, I see my friend online and we start talking as well.  I decide to meet up with him for lunch or something because I haven't seen him in a while.  So I get off get a shower and all that and head off to meet him.  I pick him up at his house and we go to Lowes to apply for a job because we both need one.  Then we go to the church offices again because my sister wants to talk to me and I heard about internships there.  So we're there and we're there for a while.  I eat my sandwich that I brought and fill out the app and we chat with people there about all these various things.  Then I get a text messege.  "we broke"  I'm like "what does that mean?"  So I ask and I find out and I'm like "WHAT?!"  So I go and call her.  And I find out that now the situation isn't one way but another way that's  completely weirder and actually a bit harder to deal with.  So we talk a bit and I pray.  Then I finish my day with my friend and go back to my sister's place and we talk for a bit.  About this mainly.  Then I head home and meet her on AIM like she wanted and we talk some more.  She mostly says she wants to help him and know concretely what to do about all this.  I mostly say get out of the way and let God work and Pray for His will in all this because that'll be best.

And now, after typing all that out, here's where I'm at:
I want something that it's definitely not time for even if it's in His will.
I need to really sit in the quiet and think all this through.
I need to really pray about all this.
I need to really just sit in God's presence and focus on what His will is.
I need to do some serious reading of the bible.

I'm on pause with all other people right now.  I really need time alone for this.  I'll seek the counsil of some trusted friends in a couple days, but for now, after I sleep, I will just go to God with all this and see what's up.  And with all this, I bid you farewell.

The art of kissing/I need a battering ram

I look at that title and it seems like I've seen it before.  Maybe I have.  I dunno.

I don't know what to write.  But I feel that I should.  It hasn't even been a week.  I wasn't looking for it.  I was just trying to do what I know I should do.  "How am I going to mix this?"  So unassuming.  "Try it.  Make sure you get a big glop."

I miss it already.  What is this?  It's totally different.  I'm glad it was her and not her.  I'm tired again.  I'm thinking that I should go to bed.  And I will.

utter......huh?

So today was interesting.  Life has thrown me an inside curve ball with some major heat and a wicked up-swoop.  As is my custom with such things, I roll with it and then after I'm done rolling and I have time to sit and think, I ask myself, "What the &$%^ just happened?"

And I'm falling asleep at the keyboard so I'm gonna go to bed.  I'll do this tomorrow if I remember.

The games we play/ why some relationships suck

Lack of communication.  Unwillingness to tell it like it is.  Ass-like stubbornness in the following of "the rules".

For years, I did little to no interaction with others because I didn't know "the rules".  And it sucked not hanging out like a normal person.  So I started hanging out, even though I didn't know the rules.  I figured I'd be able to pick them up.  But no.  I haven't been able to learn them.  I've even straight out asked people, and no one has ever given a straight answer.  And in my two years of being sociable I've come to the following conclusion:  The Rules don't exist.  Why do we follow something that doesn't exist?  I don't think that I'll ever know.

So here's what I'm gonna do.  I'm gonna go and just talk with people.  I'm gonna be with people.  And I'm gonna do what I want to do, basically.  I'll keep in mind feelings and things of that nature, but I will say something that makes you uncomfortable.  So be ready for it.  Because I only have one rule that I follow.  And that is "be real or be sealed".

More evidence of my slowness

So, I don't know when it happened, I really don't.  And I'm not going to go look it up.  Because if I did, I'm scared that I would get completely pissed about something that I can't do anything about.  Virginia Tech.  It just hit me today.  And really it wasn't intended.  I was just being my usual, selfish self.  Cruising youtube and getting my laughs on.  Then I notice that someone I'm subscribed to posted a video on the subject.  It hit me.  It hit me hard.

Why does it take pain to get our attention?  Why....does the world have to destroy itself?  I know the answer.  At least part of it.  We are a fallen people.  And this fact drives me crazy on a daily basis.  I like what sXe Phil said though.  What we need to do right now is not hate the person that did the wrong thing.  We need to love the people that fell victim to his evil act.  How do we love them?  I don't know.  I almost feel bad that all these things happen far away from me.  Because I can't go there and help.  I don't know how I'd help, but I'd try.  But here, where I'm at, so far away from the incident, there's only one thing that I can really think of to do.  And that is pray.  Prayer is powerful.  It's the most powerful tool we have as Christians.  So that's what I'm gonna go do.  You all should probably do the same.

Carne Asada and Hormones

Today was the AX Con Ops BBQ. What that means isn't entirely relevent to the story though, so don't fret. As I was driving home from this BBQ, a couple thoughts formed in my mind. One, I did a few things I shouldn't have done. Two, how does any of this glorify God?

That thought slapped me in the face like a slab of raw beef. So that's where I'm at right now. I have to get up extra early and I have to shower before bed, so I'm gonna leave ya'll with that for tonight. And, no, I still haven't figured out the scenario solution yet. Just in case any of you are wondering.

quick thoughts before bed

I'm tired. It's late. I have to get up early tomorrow for an event that I don't want to go to.

So, I'm at a friend's house right now and really wishing I was home. If I was home, I could sleep in my own warm bed and not have to sleep on that smelly couch. But, alas, I've committed myself to this thing. I should probably BE committed for doing so. Bed time now. Samuel is tired.

This is a first

So, I was playing a scenario in my head as I was in the half sleep/half awake stage this morning. And for the first time ever, I couldn't put together a solution to it. It vexed me so much that I was roused rather uncomfortably into full awake-ness. I still can't put together something that would work. So, for possible entertainment purposes, and maybe to help me find the solution, I shall write the scenario down here.

Someone important to me gets kidnapped because a group of people wants to get at me for some reason. They tell me that to get the person back I have to cook them something. I ponder the idea of poisening whatever I cook, but then it occurs to me that they'd probably make me eat some, so I throw that idea out. Then I meet with some other people that want to help me. So we start putting together a plan to have the bad people meet us on our turf so that we can controll everything, but they will not budge. I have to take my food by myself to where they want me to go. So I make some curry and I take the pot to where they want me to meet them. As I'm walking along the path I'm noticing the structure of the building. It's like I'm walking in very dense scaffolding. And the pipes make it rather confusing so I have to kind of focus on the walkway so that I don't accidentally walk into a bar. It was at this point that I woke up completely.

And now I can't even create an environment where I might be able to figure something out, even though I now have complete creative control over the story. It's rather weird. I guess it's because of the limitations already written into the scenario. One, I'm just myself. No superpowers. No special fighting skills. I just have my pot of curry and my wits, which aren't that sharp as a lot of people know. And then, all I know is this walkway. The door I came through was automated so I haven't seen any real people. So I can't read them. Now that I'm thinking about it, I guess I could've hid something in the pot of curry that I could've used, but it's too late in the story for that. I dunno. I'm thinking that I'll have to come back to this. Maybe later tonight.

I have nothing

So, I'm supposed to be calling people right now, but I don't have a contact list. Someone said that they would send it to me, and they haven't. It's rather frusterating. There should be a list of about ten staffers or so. And I don't have it. Oh well. It'll all work out I guess. Some how.

I've finally figured out what to do for my presentation. All I have is a plan and a passion. So that's what I'll show. I don't need fancy presentations. I should be sure to make a packet to give to Neal though. And that'll be fairly simple to do. It's mostly done anyway.

I'd try and come up with something profound to share with you all right now, but I'm enjoying my music too much.

There's something about music. Some people don't get it. But music has power.
It can make tough guys cry. It can make sad children laugh. And for those of us with few emotions, it's really the only way to draw those few emotions out short of something drastic happening in our lives. And I know that in the past couple weeks, it's really helped me figure out where I should be and what I should be doing, as well as helping me stay where I should be. It's really interesting. Perhaps science should study this phenomenon. But if they did that, the magic would be gone. So maybe they shouldn't. I think a little bit of magic is needed in life.

With this in mind, it's sort of interesting to look at the subject matter in songs. There are quite a few songs about break-ups that are up beat. Why would someone do this? Possibly to make fun of the depressing slow songs about break-ups. OR possibly to ease the pain of a break-up they went through. Then look at all the songs about love or unrequitted love. Is it coincidence that the area of life with the strongest emotions would have the most songs about it? I think not. But this subject has been talked about to death. I should probably drop it. I'm not a musician anyway.

I love Joss Stone's voice. It's deep and throaty. It's not a voice you'd accociate with pop music. I dunno. It's just nice to hear a voice that doesn't sound super processed in the pop scene. Of course, maybe it is and I can't tell. I don't know. I prefer to think that it's her voice though. Hmmm.....maybe I'll type a little bit for each new song I go through. That could be a fun way to kill an evening.


WAAA....I like that song. Leann Rimes. WOOT! Can't fight the Moonlight. WOOOOT! That's all I can say for that one. It's sooooo good. I think it qualifies for being called delicious.

Okay. I'm done. I'm too distracted by other things now. bye bye.

So.....

If you were to look at my life at the surface level right now, it might look like I have no hope unless I get a job soon. But I'm not hopeless. After tonight and conversing with some friends, my stress is vanished. YAY! I still have a crap load of things to do, but I'm not stressin' over it. And now I'm going to bed so that my physical stress levels don't skyrocket. check ya later.

it's cram time

So I need to have a presentation ready for tomorrow and I have no idea what to put together for it. I have an idea for a logo type thing, but nothing really other than that. Anyhoo.....

I'm hoping that I might be able to get some inspiration or some help at group tonight. Always look on the bright side of life. It'll get taken care of. YAY!

my brain is rather drull right now. If I were to just sit here, like I want to, one might think I was stoned. But I'm not, I swear. ha.ha.ha.

I'm kind of bored now. But at the same time I don't really want to do anything. I haven't felt like this in ages. Oh well. I've been struggling with bitterness lately. It's been really draining actually. And I don't know if there's anything I can do about it other than pray. It springs from a constant sense of the haves with holding from the have-nots. It's kind of hard to not be bitter when you feel like you're constantly getting screwed over. But I should leave this topic before I become consumed by it.

My knee has really been hurting me this week. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was all the running about and dancing on sunday. I dunno. I did go up and down those stairs quite a bit. WOOT! Huzzah for Pipeline! If I had a job like that, I wouldn't need to join an exercise group. Maybe I will someday. I dunno. It's all in God's hands now. I really don't know why I'm hungry. I shouldn't be. But I called it. I ate lunch at 11:30 and campared that to my breakfast time. And I told myself, I'm gonna be hungry at 3:30. And it's 3:30 and I'm hungry. Of course maybe I'm hungry because I told myself I would be. I dunno. It's one of those situation that you can't analyze too much or else you'll go insane.

I contemplated what it would be like to get myself an artificial knee the other day. It would probably be nice to not havethe joint pain anymore. But that would cost me somewhere around......45,000 dollars. Or something. I don't feel like looking it up. The point is, I can't afford it and probably never will. I hate not having money. "the want of money is the cause of many kinds of evil." I should probably watch myself closely on this issue. I'm gonna go take a nap.

Samuel VS. The World/The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

So, I got off the phone with my dad a few minutes ago. And he's honestly trying to help me out because he doesn't want me to end up like he was. I can understand and respect that. But what he's telling me to do, just doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I mean, I need a job. I DESPERATELY need a job. But I have some things that have priority over that. Things like The Sandals Health Club. Well, that's all there really is right now, but it's a pretty big thing. Why I didn't share all this with him, I don't know. I probably should have. But something tells me it wouldn't have worked.

And I'm at a point where I can't figure out what to do next. Well, I know WHAT to do, I don't quite know HOW to do it. I need a pretty package and I can't quite figure out how to make it. Maybe sleep will help. I am quite tired.

The one thing that I have left is a life to give in service to God. When looking at it that way, it really does seem like a lot. With that thought, I'm off to bed.

Blogging: my antidrug

So I was sitting here looking at my computer wondering what to do. And the only thing that came to mind that seemed halfway constructive was blogging. I mean, I havea presentation that I need to put together, but I can't really think of anything to do with it right now. All the ideas and thoughts are down. The only thing left is to make it into a presentation. So that's where I'm at. And now I havet o go cook. yay for me.

So, the only thing on your mind right now is sex.

Thanks to Los for providing me with that rather humorous quote. I laughed at the sheer truth of it when I saw it in a video on his blog. If you haven't, you should check out his blog. It's over on the left there. Ragamuffin Soul.

I actually have a number of things on my mind. The first thing I'll talk about is REAL-NESS. I've been trying to get this down. I don't think any of us will ever get it quite right. Sometimes we'll really rock at it. Others, well, leeches will have nothing on our suckage. The nice thing about it though is that if someone else is real with us then we are compelled to be real with them. At least, that's how I am. But my main issue is what to share and what to keep to myself. I don't want to share everything because that would definitely cause problems. But I have a feeling I should share more than I do. I don't really know where the lines go. So I figured I could just start throwing things out that are on my mind and see what happens. So if you see me and I mention something that makes you uncomfortable, let me know. If you think something I say is totally inappropriate, tell me. I'm learning here.

The second thing is, Giving up. Not giving up this fight, but giving up my life in order to save it. Now that I've finally decided to face the enemy and do some fighting, I realize that there are a lot of things that I need to drop. When you're running, you're usually carrying a lot of things. Hopes, ambitions, desires, ideas, past burdens, doubt, and other things. I finally realize what was being said when John Eldredge mentioned the guy foregoing his own life in order to fight for it. I have to give up everything I'm holding on to. I have to push through everything and come out with bare essentials. Everything else will hold me back. So what are the bare essentials? God, Faith, Truth, Righteousness, Salvation, the Word, and a will that mirrors His. These are all I need. Everything else will fall into place. That's a promise given to us. On paper, it looks so easy.

Third, problem solving. I've been noticing quite a few problems. And I've been trying to put together solutions to them. I'm not going to be able to do it on my own though. I have to keep in mind different ages though. And different maturities. That just occurred to me. And it adds another element to something that's already pretty complicated. But this series is perfect for moving some of these puzzle pieces around. I've gotta get on the freaking ball.

For the fourth, I was gonna put "girl is on my mind". But that's not true at all at this moment. It was a little bit ago, but not at all right now. I mean, she's still there, but in a totally different way. I dunno. It's rather interesting.

I'll be having lunch with a friend tomorrow. It should be pretty sweet. I haven't seen him in a few months. I need to talk to him about a few things. YAY!

I gotta sleep. Goodnight.

first official post....YAY!

I know there's a post before this, but this is the first post while this is my official blog. That sentence just confused me. Moving on.

I had a thought about Arch Nemesese and Heros. Heros usually aquire their main bad guys early in their career. And it struck me how that is true for us as well. As soon as we accept Christ, not only do we gain one Arch Nemesis, but THREE. And it is their job to cause us pain. It is their job to go against us for their own gain. So when everything seems like it's against you, it pretty much is. But don't forget this. NEVER forget this. God is on our side. And when He is for us, who can be against us.

So that's it for now. I'll probably have more later. Ta for now.

You and Me

I think I'm gonna like being back on blogger. I like the set-up better. And it has a spell checker. YAY!

So, for people that might be wondering what that's about....I've been blogging on MySpace for a while. I decided to come back here when it hit me that if my blog is here, it's easier for people to run into. And I'll feel more like a member of a community, oddly enough. My real hot and heavy thoughts have been typed out tonight on my MySpace blog and I don't feel like reposting them. If you're interested, myspace.com/n3k1dsk1llz

Of course, most of the initial readers of this blog will probably be people that move from there to here. So I don't really know how much good what I just did will do.

But yeah, as I was typing out the post on myspace this evening, I came to the conclusion that I needed to move to a more public venue. I don't remember all the reasoning behind it. But yeah, I'm here now. YAY!!